Hush little baby, don't say a word
by crazyamoeba
Summary: Set in the SOLDIER days. Zack is worried about Cloud, but the blond won't say a word. Warnings for angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Hush little baby, don't say a word.**

Zackary Fair, for all his happy-go-lucky nature and reputation of being the cheerful, laughing one who was never down, and would never notice if anything was wrong, was not ditzy and unobservant. His reputation was inaccurate in that respect.

Because today, he knew that something most certainly was wrong.

And today was not the first time.

He watched carefully across the room as Cadet Cloud Strife sparred with his partner.

Everything about the boy had made him worry recently. Because everything about the boy was off; he wasn't even trying in practice anymore – and Zack had never seen a cadet so hardworking; it wasn't normal for the boy to not give it his all -, he flinched at every touch he received, and he was so reclusive now that the only time that anyone really ever saw him was in class, which he had to attend.

And whenever he spoke to the boy, there was something about his voice…something that gave an air of – what was it? Defeat? Yes. Defeat sounded right.

Zack sighed as he watched Cloud cave in the sparring with a cadet that he used to be able to wipe the floor with.

And while the boy was talking to Cloud, who simply nodded politely, eyes listless, Zack realised something that made him startle; it was not that Cloud suddenly did not have the ability. It was that Cloud just did not have the will anymore.

He simply didn't seem to care.

Well, arseholes to that. He was Zack Fair. He did not just give up.

"Alright, well done guys, lets pack it in for the day, you can go early. Good work." Zack announced clearly, telling them to put the weapons away and then head for the showers.

"Ah, hang on, Cadet Strife, could I have a word please?"

Cloud looked up, startled, then shrugged and wandered slowly over to where Zack stood.

Although Zack did not know the kid incredibly well, he knew Cloud well enough to not call him 'Cadet Strife' when they were alone, but formality had to be maintained in class, or accusations of favouritism might be made.

And Zack knew Cloud well enough to know that he liked him, and wanted to get to know him even better.

Zack did not say this to be arrogant, but he knew that he was the closest thing the blond had to a friend.

Which was a mystery; a kid like Cloud should have loads of friends.

But no. There was only Zack.

And so Zack tried to live up to this position of trustworthy friend.

Although right now Cloud would probably hate him for it. Cloud didn't really like questions.

"You wanted to see me Sir?"

Cloud asked quietly, pulling Zack from his thoughts.

He smile as unobtrusively and warmly as he possibly could, and toned his voice down to a low and coaxing tone.

"Yeah, and drop the 'Sir' okay? The others have gone now. It's just Zack, remember?"

Cloud smiled a small smile and nodded.

Zack's smile turned a little more serious as he addressed Cloud again.

"Look, Cloud…I don't mean to intrude or anything, and if it's none of my business, then you can just tell me to stay out of it."

_Not bloody likely_ Zack thought. _I'm not just going to let this go._

"But I've noticed a change in you, Cloud, and it's not really the good kind of change."

Cloud's eyes widened, and he practically fell over himself to protest.

"I haven't changed! I'm the same as always. And if it's my work, then I'm sorry, I can pull it back up, I'm just tired is all…"

"Whoa, whoa, Cloud, calm down. It's not your work. Your work has always been fine. You work hard, and that's good."

_We'll leave the issue of his falling work until later; don't want to break his heart. I know how badly he wants SOLDIER._

The SOLDIER tried to think of a way to say this next thing without insulting and hurting the blond, but there really was no other way. Besides, the shock might do him good. Might persuade him that it's okay to need help.

"It's just…" the SOLDIER sighed. "you."

Cloud's eyes widened.

"I haven't changed." He insisted quietly.

Zack just nodded sadly and gently.

"I haven't. Tell me how I've changed. Tell me." The blond said quietly, and on the last two words, his voice almost broke, as if begging to know what he was doing wrong.

Zack stared into Cloud's eyes, forcing the blond to look at him; he wanted the boy to take this in.

"You're quiet. No, strike that, you're reclusive. You don't want to see or talk to anyone. The only time people see you is in training classes. You look tired all the time. You don't have any energy. You won't let anyone even touch you any more. And the way you talk, and the way you act…it just seems as though you've given up and don't give a damn anymore!"

Zack's voice had risen in anger gradually, as Cloud was simply standing there, taking it all, and trying to look away from him, trying to ignore it all, deny it and escape.

"That's not the Cloud Strife that I know."

The boy simply looked away, biting his lip, looking as though he wanted nothing more than to run away.

Zack reached out and gently took the boy's chin and tilted his head up to look at him. Cloud flinched, and Zack loosened his hold, but did not let go.

"Come on, Cloud. Tell me what's wrong, yeah?" He said gently, trying to convey with his eyes and tone of voice that he genuinely cared.

Cloud again bit his lip, actually seeming to contemplate telling all to Zack for a moment.

"Please Cloud. I can help." Zack coaxed. He was First Class, after all. If Cloud's unhappiness had anything to do with the military, Zack could definitely do something. Being First Class gave you quite a bit of power to wield. And being General Sephiroth's Second helped a lot, too.

But Cloud simply worried his lip even more. God, he wanted nothing more than to tell Zack everything. But he simply couldn't.

"I can't. There's nothing wrong. You just didn't know me as well as you thought you did, Sir. I've always been like this." Cloud whispered, backing away from the other man's touch. "So I think I'll take you up on your offer, and say; it's none of your business. Stay out of it."

Cloud would never dare say anything like that to a superior before, but Zack wasn't angry. He wasn't angry because he it just worried him more. It worried him because there must be something wrong to make shy, timid Cloud Strife say something like that to a superior officer.

And because the boy had said it in such a regretful and torn whisper that no one could possibly take it as an insult.

"Can I go now?"

And although Zack wanted to say no, to make Cloud stay and tell him everything, he knew that this interrogation was probably making things worse for Cloud at the moment.

"Sure." He gave up. "But Cloud. If you change your mind, or if anything happens, you come to me, yeah?"

Cloud gave Zack a smile and then walked off.

And it was only later, as he sat doing paperwork, that a pang of worry hit Zack as he realized that Cloud had never actually said yes.

TBC

Please review – it helps me to write faster.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Seph?"

A somewhat put upon sigh emanated from the other side of the room.

"Yes Zackary?"

"Will you do me a favour?"

The General looked up sharply from his desk. Not because he was reluctant to carry out a favour – quite the opposite. It was because he was worried. He was worried because Zack usually had such a jesting tone to his voice; especially when he was asking for a favour. Normally he would put on that ridiculous, innocent little boy's tone whenever he wanted Sephiroth to do something for him. But this time his tone was devoid of any such thing. He sounded completely serious.

"Under normal circumstances, Zackary, I would tell you to stop being delusional, but since you sound so sincere, I will let my curiosity run away with me, and say – and may lightening strike me down for my foolishness – yes. Now what do you want?"

The General said, leaning forwards slightly, curious and beginning to get the tiniest bit concerned.

"I want you to observe my class of cadets."

Sephiroth blinked in surprise. What an odd request for Zackary. He had imagined something outrageous, like 'can you please give me a year of paid leave?'

But this?

"Of course, Zackary." Sephiroth replied slowly, narrowing his eyes. "Is there any particular reason why? Any particular cadet that I should be watching?"

Zack squirmed a little, formulating an answer. Technically, he was not allowed to say yes. That would be construed as favouritism by the book, and they both had to be careful what they said.

"Oh no; no one in particular. It's the group you've seen before, you know, the one with the Jenkins and Marsell and Skinner and that blond kid, Strife."

Zack hoped that Sephiroth would get the picture from his less than subtle hinting.

"And I'd just like to get your opinion on whether you think any of them seem a bit…off_._ I don't want my standards slipping."

Sephiroth rolled his eyes at Zack's complete lack of subtlety.

It didn't take a genius to work it out.

"Alright Zackary; go and prepare for your lesson then, and I'll come and observe."

Zack smiled at his commanding officer; a soft, sincere smile, not the normal mischievous grin that was plastered on his face.

"Thanks."

***

Zack gritted his teeth as he caught sight of Cloud wandering into class, that glazed look that was practically omni-present these days in his blue eyes.

But it was not merely the look in his eyes. It was something that was a little further down.

It was the darkening area of skin on the boy's jaw that shadowed to just the top of his neck.

He was suddenly aware of a set of eyes burning into his, and looked up to see that Cloud had caught him staring. Oh well, might as well go over and ask about it now. There was no point in trying to hide his staring.

"Hey." He greeted quietly once he had jogged up to the boy.

"Hey." Cloud replied, mustering up a small smile.

Zack smiled disarmingly and tried to make himself seem as unimposing as he could.

"I uh, I don't suppose you fancy telling me where that bruise came from, huh?" He asked quietly, ducking his head nearer to Cloud's, so that none of the other Cadets would hear him.

Cloud froze, and it seemed that the colour drained from his face. He clenched his fists, and Zack actually moved back slightly, in case Cloud got it into his head to get violent.

"It came from practice." Was all the boy said, his voice cold and detached, looking away from his instructor.

Zack shook his head. He wasn't letting Cloud get away that easily.

"Nu uh, no way, I'm not letting you slide with that. I didn't see that bruise yesterday in practice. You're gonna have to do better than that."

He tried to make his voice stern, letting Cloud know that he shouldn't lie to him about this, but gentle at the same time, as he didn't want to scare the boy away.

"Well did it ever occur to you that maybe I _got _it during practice? You know how bad I am, why are you so surprised?" Cloud snapped, not caring that he drew a few stares.

Zack drew back, a little shocked. Cloud thought he was bad? No friggin' way. Yeah, his standards had dropped since he had become so reclusive, but he was still better than a lot of cadets his age. And when he was up to his best, he was a skilled little guy.

"Cloud, you're not bad…" Zack began, but trailed off with a sigh as he saw that Cloud was beginning to turn away. "Okay, okay, look I'm gonna leave you alone now, so just calm down, yeah?"

Cloud nodded briefly and wandered off.

Zack turned around and started a little when he found Sephiroth standing there, staring impassively at him.

Zack quickly shouted out orders for the cadets to begin a normal round of sparring, and went to join Sephiroth.

The reason he had asked the man to check on Cloud was that he wanted to be sure that he wasn't just imagining Cloud's odd behaviour. And Sephiroth was probably the most observant man in existence, and besides, he had seen Cloud and the rest of this group in action before. He would know for certain if there was something disturbing the blond. And Zack was hoping that the older man would also be able to help him knock some sense into Cloud. After all, Sephiroth was something of an idol to Cloud, so if he wouldn't listen to Sephiroth, there was definitely something awry.

"Alright Zackary, you have peaked my interest. What is troubling him?" Sephiroth finally asked after around ten minutes of watching Cloud.

Although the General was speaking to Zack, he never took those piercing eyes off of Cloud's form.

"So you think there is something wrong with him then?" Zack asked intensely, staring at Sephiroth, eager for an answer.

"Most definitely; his form is off, his reflexes are dull and he doesn't even seem to be putting in any effort. Nor does he seem to care about much going on around him. None of these traits belong to Cadet Strife." Sephiroth paused and raised an eyebrow at Zack. "You mean you don't even have a hunch as to what ails him?"

Zack sighed as he watched Cloud fall to his opponent and then simply blink up at the other boy with dull and listless eyes.

"No. I just want to make sure that there was actually something wrong with him before I do anything. Though god knows what I'm gonna do." Zack sighed, raking his hands through his hair.

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow slightly.

"I do realise that this is a course of action rarely taken, but if you really don't know what to do, you could force him into a session with a counsellor. That is why we have them, Zackary. And I think you have ground enough to force him, according to the book."

Zack sighed again, and looked down at the reclusive blond. He shook his head.

"It's a good idea, Seph, but to be honest, I think it would freak him out more than help him right now. Besides, even if we manage to get him there, we could have difficulty keeping him there. I mean, what are we supposed to do, strap him down?" Zack asked, a frown forming on his features. "He'd just wanna bolt. I'll have to deal with it myself."

Sephiroth nodded and turned back to watching the class, who were unaware of the General's presence.

Zack stayed silent for a while, watching Sephiroth, trying to gauge how agreeable the other man was.

"Speaking of dealing with him…I was hoping that you could help." Zack spoke up tentatively.

Sephiroth turned sharply to face Zack, an amused look on his face.

"And how could I help, Zackary? I barely know the boy, and surely he would feel more comfortable talking to someone who knows him better…you, for example."

"That's a point, but I have a counterpoint; I have already tried talking to him, but he just won't listen. I don't think he wants me to see him as needy. And besides, you're kind of a hero figure to him – Hell; you're a hero figure to just about everyone. And you're his commanding officer – as in, top dog, can't get any higher, sort of thing. And Cloud, unlike some of the little bastards here, respects that. I want you to try kind of shocking him into talking."

Sephiroth sighed, turning once again to the blond haired recruit who was not showing any where near the skill that Sephiroth knew he had.

"Alright, Zackary. I'll talk to him. But I really do think that you should keep at it – you're the one he knows best. He trusts you. If you persevere, you are the one he is most likely to talk to." The General told the brunette, although he already knew that Zack wouldn't just give up.

"Oh, and by the way, where did he get that bruise? In practice yesterday?"

Zack gave a half hearted, almost frustrated shrug.

"No. It wasn't there yesterday, and I went to ask him about it at the beginning of the lesson, but he wouldn't talk to me. Told me he got it in practice yesterday, but I find that highly unlikely. We only did the physical for the last ten minutes, and he didn't get hit in the face."

Sephiroth nodded, storing that information away for later.

Zack turned around and walked back down to the class, wandering around and giving advice.

When the training session was over, Zack once again yelled to the cadets that they should pack up all their equipment and then leave.

He approached Cloud, and leaned in to talk to the boy quietly.

"Listen, I need you to hang back for a minute, okay?" He murmured into Cloud's ear.

The boy glared at him.

"I told you, I'm fine, and I got this bruise from practice. When are you going to give it up?" He smiled to make it look as though he was amused that Zack was worrying over nothing.

But Zack had fallen for this trick previously, and he wasn't going to do so again. Besides, he now had Sephiroth's opinion backing his.

"Look." He said firmly, gripping Cloud's arm. "I know that you didn't get that bruise from practice the other day – what do you think I do during practice, sit around, not paying attention to my own cadets? Not bloody likely, I know what happens during training. And I also know that you are not fine, your behaviour is telling me that, clear as day."

Cloud shook his head stubbornly and tried to twist away from Zack's hold.

But the other man held on and drew the boy back, clasping onto both his arms, lightly stroking one to try to calm him down.

"Please, I've got someone that I'd like you to meet." He told the boy quietly, whispering in his ear.

"Well whoever it is is wasting their time – there's nothing wrong with me!" Cloud snapped, still wriggling, trying to escape from the other man's hold.

"Do you not trust me to organise my own time productively, Cadet Strife?"

Cloud whipped around and his eyes widened at the sight of General Sephiroth standing before them, his face placid.

"N-no, Sir. I mean - that's not what I meant. I do trust you, Sir. " Cloud replied, cursing his nervous stuttering.

The General moved forward, waving off Cloud's formality and salute.

"Very well then. In that case you can trust that I am not wasting my time by coming here to talk to you, and you will listen to what myself and Zackary have to say." Sephiroth said in a tone that was mild, but nevertheless rooted Cloud to the spot and made him obey.

Sephiroth nodded at the boy's silence, then continued.

"I am not wasting my time here, Cadet, because I am concerned. I am concerned about you as an asset to SOLDIER, because you are a skilled cadet, and your recent troubles are affecting your work. Work that I know can be of a very high level. But your standard of work is slipping. And this is not only a disadvantage to you, it is a disadvantage to SOLDIER." Sephiroth said in a slow and measured tone, watching the cadet carefully.

Cloud was doing his best not to flinch at the words, but Zack – who still had one hand on the blonde's arm in case he decided to run – could feel the boy's muscles go tense.

But Sephiroth went on regardless.

"I am also concerned about you as a person. The military is supposed to be tough, but not unbearable. There is a difference between developing a tough skin and being tormented. People who victimise others are not needed or wanted in the Shinra army.

And I know that you are not behaving in your normal manner. So as your chance to do something about whatever is troubling you…is there something you wish to tell me?"

Sephiroth's piercing, soul weighing green eyes locked onto deep blue, and all else seemed to be forgotten in that moment. Time seemed to slow and there appeared to be nothing other than those two intense eyes as silent, tense, restless thoughts seemed to reverberate between the three people in the room.

This strange sense of almost unbearable conflict continued to stretch out until Cloud said in a quiet voice that nevertheless seemed to echo around the whole building;

"No sir, nothing."

Zack shivered.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three

"But Seph -"

"Zackary, for the last time, there is nothing that I can do!"

The two SOLDIERS glared at each other with frustrated helplessness in their eyes. Sephiroth, because he really could not do anything, and was failing to convince Zack of this, and Zack because he was sure that something, _anything_ could be done, but was being told that it couldn't

This argument had been going on for quite a while.

After the little interaction after training, Zack had been hounding Sephiroth, asking him if there was any little thing that could be done.

Unfortunately, the answer was, no; nothing could be done.

"Why not?!"

"Because protocol demands that you have _proof _that something is awry before any action is taken. _Solid proof_!" Sephiroth exclaimed, exasperated.

Zack slumped into a chair, finally defeated.

Sephiroth sighed a sigh of relief that was tinged with sadness and frustration, and he also sat down, his victory a bitter one that he took no joy from – even wished he did not have. He did not want to be right this time; he wished that he was wrong, and that something could be done now.

"I'm sorry Zack, I really am, but you heard him; Cadet Strife denied that anything was wrong and said that he had nothing that he wanted to tell me." The General said, an air of frustration about him.

"Add to that the fact that you have no evidence besides assumptions – we can't do anything."

Zack sighed and shook his head, looking away from Sephiroth and outside to the night where a storm was currently underway.

"I know that I don't have any evidence. But I also know that something is wrong. I just know it! For god's sake, the boy is practically comatose these days; he rarely talks unless he absolutely has to, he doesn't look as though he pays attention to what's going on around him and he barely cracks a smile."

Sephiroth leaned forward a little, his eyes making contact with Zack's as he said slowly and clearly.

"_Zack! _I don't think you understand what I'm saying. You need to _find some evidence."_

Zack blinked suddenly as the meaning of Sephiroth's words sunk in.

Sephiroth was telling him what to do. Hell, the man had practically been handing it to him on a platter and he had been oblivious.

The older man was telling him to actually go and get some evidence of Cloud's troubles.

He was telling Zack that he should actually get up and go and actively find some evidence; even if it meant hounding Cloud for days on end.

Zack nodded slowly as he rose from his chair, walking towards the door, deep in thought.

"Okay Seph. Thanks."

* * *

Zack stalked down the halls of the cadet's barracks. He didn't know exactly what he was going to do in order to get this evidence, but he figured that going to see either Cloud or simply his room would be a start. 

So that was where he was heading now. It didn't matter if Cloud was in or not; if he was, Zack could talk to him in a quiet environment that the blond was used to, and he may be able to get more out of Cloud if the boy was relaxed, and if he was not in, he could have a look around his room to see if that gave any clues as to what was troubling the blond.

He slowed as he neared the room that he knew to be Cloud's, and he was just about to knock on the door when he heard something that made him lower his arm and strain his ears.

There was the quiet sound of…was it whimpering?

Yes, there seemed to be an occasional whimper emanating from the room, but there was also something else, a strange sound.

Then it hit Zack, and he recoiled slightly.

It was _singing._ And it was not Cloud's voice; it was someone _singing_ _to Cloud_ in an imitation of a lullaby.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word,

Papa's going to buy you a mocking bird.

And if that mocking bird won't sing,

Papa's going to buy you a diamond ring…"

Zack recoiled in horror as he heard the 'lullaby' as it was punctuated by what he now knew to be Cloud's whimpers.

The lyrics were sung softly, comfortingly, and were punctuated by the singers own 'shushing' sounds, as though they were trying to soothe Cloud.

His face screwed up in rage, and he leaned against the wall in shock.

He jumped when he heard the voice inside the room get closer.

"Don't cry so much, you know that I love you. I only want to be nice to you. I'm the only one that will you know, the others all hate you."

The voice was soft, sweet and manipulative. It was charming and had the semblance of kindness to it, and it made Zack growl.

Then, to Zack's horror, he heard footsteps from inside Cloud's room, and he quickly darted into the open door of another cadet's room, ignoring the startled squawk of its inhabitant.

Zack poked his head around the doorframe, but only saw the back of the singer as they retreated around the corner.

The SOLDIER clenched his fists. As much as he wanted to just run after the person, he had to check on Cloud. He needed to see the boy.

So he checked that no one else was around before sneaking out into the hallway and over to Cloud's room.

The singer had left the door to Cloud's room slightly ajar, so he knocked lightly on it, trying to peer through.

"Cloud? Cloud, it's just me, Zack. I'm gonna come in now, okay?" He called out in a gentle but clear voice, not wanting to give Cloud the opportunity to turn him away and suffer alone, but also not wanting to frighten the boy.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you, I just wanna see you, okay? I won't do anything you tell me not to, but I'm coming in now."

Even though he received no reply, Zack gently pushed the door further open and ventured into the room.

The dorm room was very small – they all were, and had a few personal effects and simple pieces of furniture.

Immediately Zack could see a few things that were out of place in the room; the bed was messy, a photo frame was over turned and the bedside table had been knocked crooked.

But there was no sign of Cloud, and all this poked at his mind uneasily.

"Cloud?" Zack called once again. "Cloud, please, I need to know where you are. You don't have to be scared of me, I just want to see you. Please Cloud, you need to tell me where you are."

There was still no reply, but as Zack moved further into the room, a sound assaulted his ears.

It was a shushing sound, and Zack recognised it as a gush of a shower. He wandered nearer to the bathroom.

The door was shut.

But not locked.

"It's okay Cloud, it's just me, Zack." He called out to the blond all the time, not wanting to scare him.

"I'm just gonna come into the bathroom now, alright? Don't worry. Everything's gonna be alright."

He pushed the door open, and stepped inside, immediately blanching.

The whole room was filled with steam, and he had to fight not to choke.

"Oh god…" Zack moaned when he saw that the source of all the steam was huddled at the bottom of the extremely hot shower.

He rushed over, praying that it wasn't what he thought it was, and knelt by the shower stall. The rational part of his brain told him that of course it was what he though it was, what the Hell else could it be?

And that part of his brain turned out to be right.

Zack choked out a strange anguished sound at what he saw.

Cloud was huddled in a small, shaking ball on the floor of the shower stall, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees, which were pressed up against his body, and his eyes were wide and unseeing.

"Cloud?" Zack asked quietly.

For a moment it seemed as though he would get no response, but then the blonde's eyes flickered, and he seemed to be regaining awareness.

"That's right Cloud, it's okay now, just come back to me." Zack coaxed gently, wanting to reach out and touch Cloud but not daring to. Instead he simply crouched very near the boy, with one arm next to him, there in case Cloud wanted the contact.

Zack reached up and quickly turned off the flow of hot water that was scalding Cloud. But this action seemed to jolt Cloud out of his comatose state as his brow furrowed into a small, distressed frown.

"Zack…" he whispered quietly, eyes still a little unfocused.

As he began to realise who was speaking to him, Cloud pulled his arms tighter around his knees, hugging himself firmly, his face conveying his increasing distress as he tried to hide his body from Zack.

"Yeah, that's right Cloud; it's me, Zack." Zack confirmed softly. "It's okay, Cloud, everything's gonna be fine, you don't have to hide from me, I'm going to help you, okay?"

But the words did not seem to get through to Cloud as he twisted this way and that in small, jerky movements, as if trying to seek an escape from Zack. He scrunched up tighter in a ball when the SOLDIER shifted closer. Pathetic whimpers issued from his mouth with each movement.

The boy obviously did not want Zack to see him like this. He was ashamed.

"Hey-hey!" Zack whispered softly, touching Cloud's cheek ever so lightly when he didn't seem to hear him at first.

The boy's eyes reluctantly met Zack's, and the older man tried to give a reassuring smile.

"It's okay, Cloud, you don't have to hide from me. You don't have anything to be ashamed of, okay? I'm not going to hurt you, and I'm gonna make sure that you're safe, okay?"

Cloud only flicked his eyes slightly, and tightened further into his ball.

Zack hesitated for a moment, knowing what he had to do, but not knowing how to go about doing it.

He supposed the direct way would be the best.

The SOLDIER reached out slowly to Cloud, trying to gently grip the boy's hand's that were locked around his own legs, and did not look like they were going to let go anytime soon.

"Cloud," Zack whispered, not wanting to startle the boy, "Cloud, I need you to just let go for a second, okay? I just need to see you."

Cloud didn't respond to Zack's request, but he did not tighten his grip any further when the other man began to gently pull his hands away from his body.

Zack leaned back a little to survey the damage done to the blonde's body, but kept a soothing hand resting on Cloud's neck, rubbing gently.

There were bruises dotted around Cloud's body, but the especially dark and noticeable ones were on the boy's wrists. And Zack held back a gag when he noticed that they could, with very little stretch of the imagination, be handprints.

His knees were covered in a strange red mark that Zack took a while to recognise as being carpet burns, and when Zack looked up to say something to Cloud, he noticed that the younger man's lips were slightly swollen looking.

Cloud did not show any sign of being agitated at the examination, but when he looked up at the ceiling, he let out a whimper, and Zack's gaze flickered to what Cloud was looking at.

The blond was looking up at the shower that was now turned off, and this fact seemed to distress Cloud greatly. He wailed and reached up to turn the boiling water back on, hands scrabbling to turn the water back to its hottest.

"Zack, no, no, turn it back on." He mumbled nearly incoherently, a frown on his face, his breath coming in frustrated whimpers.

"Hey, hey! Cloud, what are you doing?" Zack exclaimed softly, leaning up and wrapping one arm firmly around Cloud, the other forcing his hands away from the dial of the shower, making sure that it was still turned off.

But this served only to irritate the younger man more, and he began to struggle against Zack's one armed hold, writhing and hitting out at the other man, his hands thumping and clawing at Zack's toned arms desperately, his cries becoming more hysterical.

"No! Don't _do _that! I need – I need that! I need it…I need it to get clean. Get off of me. Get _off_ of me!"

The blond moaned, his struggles now so determined that they were actually beginning to make Zack break a sweat.

_I knew this one was a fighter_ Zack thought grimly. At any other time he would have been proud, but right now all he could think was that he wished that Cloud did not have to fight against _this._ No one should have to do that.

But he was brought back out of his thoughts by a sharp pain in his arm, courtesy of Cloud's desperate clawing.

"Ssh, Cloud, come on Cloud, calm down. It's alright Cloud, you don't need to clean any more, you're fine." Zack cooed quietly, gently but firmly removing Cloud's grip from his arm, as it was going to draw blood in a minute.

However, Cloud did not seem to want to calm down, and he simply continued to struggle to get the hot water on, and when Zack looked into his eyes, he saw that they were glazed.

"Cloud, I'm sorry about this." Zack murmured, and then proceeded to give Cloud a slap with his open palm, gently enough to not cause any damage, but sharply enough to sting.

And to snap Cloud out of it; the boy suddenly quieted, and stopped his struggling, his eyes clearing as he surveyed his surroundings in confusion, obviously not yet remembering what had happened.

But once his eyes had roved around the entire room, and then settled on Zack, it was clear that the boy had remembered.

"Zack!" He choked out, his voice filled with distress and anger. He drew in on himself again, and shifted, obviously looking uncomfortable. He refused to meet the other's gaze.

He was ashamed and angry that Zack had to see him like this; that Zack had to _care_, to pester and pursue until eventually it came to _this_…his weakness revealed to one so strong and one he admired. He turned away, not wanting to look at the SOLDIER.

Damn him! Why couldn't he just leave it be? He hadn't wanted Zack to see him like this! He had wanted to just ignore all of this and just hope it would go away…_on its own._

He had _told_ Zack not to bother, to just leave it alone! But would he listen? No. And now it had come to this…Zack could see him in his most awful moment of vulnerability.

Zack had told him that he had wanted to help; to make Cloud feel better. And Cloud had tried to explain that it would make him feel better knowing that Zack would never see him like this; that _that_ was what he feared most.

But it had been impossible to explain, and now they are here.

"Hey Cloud. It's okay now. Just take it easy, and we'll get you dressed." Zack murmured reaching out to pull Cloud up.

The blond looked at Zack warily as his hand came closer, his face in a conflicted frown. He wanted Zack to make him feel better, but he most certainly did not want anyone touching him. And he still couldn't forgive Zack for not listening to him.

Zack gently gripped Cloud's arm, and the younger man tensed, and then lurched backwards, throwing off Zack's arm.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He spat, his eyes wild and more vicious than Zack had ever seen them. The look in those blue orbs reminded him of one of Hojo's experiments when it was looking for an escape; desperate, scared and angry as all hell.

The reaction shocked Zack and he quickly backed away from the hissing and spitting blond, holding his hands up in the universal gesture of peace.

"Okay, okay Cloud, I'm sorry, I won't touch you, I promise." Zack soothed in his best mediator voice. Well what do you know? That hostage negotiation training really had paid off.

Cloud relaxed a bit and began to inch forwards, but stopped before he was too close to Zack.

"You promise?" He asked, glaring at the SOLDIER in an uncharacteristically hostile way.

"I promise. I'm not going to touch you, or hurt you or anything. I just want to get you cleaned up okay? I'm not here to be your enemy, I want to help."

Zack vowed, still using his low and coaxing voice that the blond seemed to like. It appeared that it relaxed the blond, as his muscles became less tense and his face relaxed back into its normal smoothness, with no scowl present, and his whole demeanour melted back into the usual 'Cloud Strife' appearance.

The cadet straightened up, and blushed, his head bowed, not wanting to look at Zack, his hands making a feeble attempt to cover himself, his body seeming to cringe away from Zack as the blond realised that Zack was staring at him naked. He felt incredibly…well, naked.

"Hey, it's okay," Zack whispered, "you don't have to be ashamed or anything. It's nothing I haven't seen before…what with the communal showers and all. I was a cadet once too…didn't always have the plush, private bathroom." Zack joked quietly, moving towards the blond to shield him…guard him.

Cloud's lips quirked up in the tiniest flicker of a smile, and Zack returned a small one of his own, bringing his arm to circle around Cloud without touching him, his body not making contact with the other's, but very close. Close enough to be there if Cloud wanted him, and close enough to guard the younger man.

Zack tilted his head closer to Cloud.

"Come on, lets go clean you up."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Part Four

Walking down the practically empty halls of Shinra, Cloud made as if to turn left, but frowned when he saw that Zack had stopped and seemingly had no intention of following.

"Zack, your room's this way." Cloud said weakly, nodding his head to the left, sounding so weary, as if he was praying that Zack had just forgotten, and was not planning to take him somewhere else.

The blonde's tone almost made Zack give in out of sympathy, but then his sense came back to him, and he realised that, while Cloud may not like what he was about to do, it would help the boy in the long run.

"We're not going to my room, Spiky." The SOLDIER replied softly, taking a few small steps closer to Cloud. "We're going to the medical centre."

Cloud's eyes immediately widened, and he backed up until he hit the wall, staring at Zack with a mixture of emotions on his face. The primary emotion was fear, Zack could tell, but he could also see anger, shock and suspicion in there as well.

"No way!" Cloud yelled, again hugging himself with his arms. "There's no way that I'm going there. I don't want to. I don't want some doctor pawing me and prodding me. I don't want to be touched by them! There is no way that I'm going to let them…look at me."

"Cloud, you need to calm down." Zack told him in a low tone, taking another step closer to Cloud and taking his arm gently.

The boy flinched, looking at Zack with wary eyes, looking as though he would bolt at any second.

Zack rubbed the boy's arm soothingly, then brought his other hand up behind the other's head, gently guiding Cloud to look at him.

"Cloud, please, they aren't going to hurt you, the doctor's job is to help you. They won't do you any harm." Zack reasoned, his tone still soft and calm, his hand still stroking, in hopes that the methods used to calm chocobo's also worked on humans.

Cloud simply shook his head, and folded his arms more tightly around himself in a death grip. His eyes shone with a feral look, and Zack actually felt a little uneasy.

"Cloud, be reasonable." Zack begged softly. "I at least want you to get someone to look at those burns; you scalded yourself in that shower. Please, that's all I want for now, and then we can deal with…other matters after that. I don't want you to end up with any long term injuries."

Although Cloud knew that Zack's words made sense, he just could not stop the panic rising.

His body suddenly began to tremble, unable to keep the physical signs of distress at bay.

"Cloud?" Zack asked softly, concerned about the sudden tremors.

Cloud just shook his head.

"I don't want to go." He choked out, and then ran from Zack's slackened grip, completely startling the dark haired man.

"Hey! Cloud! Cloud, come back here!" Zack yelled after him, taking off in pursuit of the blond cadet.

However, Cloud had rounded a corner way before Zack did, and when the SOLDIER turned it, he could not see Cloud anywhere, merely the empty staircase that led to all the floors below.

Zack was just about to continue the chase after the boy, when he stopped, his reason finally kicking in.

It was useless to continue now; Cloud had a head start on him anyway, and now he knew that then blond could be anywhere right now, so it would be practically impossible to find him now.

Right now, he could do something that was productive, instead of partaking in a wild goose chase.

* * *

"Seph? Aren't you going to say anything?"

It was safe to say that Zack Fair was now uneasy.

He had decided to go to report back to Sephiroth on his newfound 'evidence' and the man had not said a word since Zack's account of events had stopped.

His eyes had darkened during the tale.

"General?"

This seemed to snap the commander of the army out of whatever dark musings had been occupying him, and he turned to Zack and said with so much force that you would be a fool not to believe him, he said, "This will not be ignored." The silver haired man said quietly, in a deadly calm voice.

His eyes burned.

"Who is the perpetrator?" He asked, still too calmly and quietly, narrowing his eyes.

"I don't know, Seph." Zack admitted quietly, his shoulders slumping slightly when the general whipped around and fixed Zack with a judging stare.

"You don't know? Zack, how can you not know? I thought you said that the…act," Sephiroth wrinkled his nose in disgust, "was taking place when you got there."

Zack shifted on his feet, looking truly miserable, because he himself didn't quite know how the guy had managed to escape without being seen by him.

"Well, it was." The other SOLDIER admitted, his tone one of slight helplessness.

"I don't quite know what to tell you, because _I_ don't know what happened. They were obviously just…finishing," Zack grimaced, and Sephiroth blanched, "when I got there, so I couldn't exactly stay there because he was just going out. And I didn't go in straight away because at first I wasn't completely sure what was going on. I had just gone to get some…evidence. And boy, did I get it." Zack laughed bitterly and without humour.

"And when it did finally sink in, I just…froze. I couldn't move. Until that bastard started to get up, and then I had to jump into some other cadet's room to hide; I wanted to get a look at this guy without him seeing me. But that plan backfired; in the few bloody seconds it took for me to come out of my hiding place, the git had already gone. And I thought about following, but I couldn't leave Cloud there on his own…like that."

Sephiroth nodded wearily, holding up a hand as if to say, _enough, I don't want to hear of any more wrongdoings; I hear of too many._

"What did the doctors have to say?" The General asked, rubbing his hands over his face as if to rid himself of his tiredness.

Zack swallowed and shuffled on his feet for the second time that day, as he thought of Cloud running from him and wondered if just letting him go was a good idea.

"They haven't said anything; he hasn't gone to see them yet."

Sephiroth turned to face Zack, his eyes blazing.

"Why not? I thought you would have taken him straight to the infirmary." There was no judgement in Sephiroth's voice, just curiosity mixed with anger. The rage was not focused on Zack, but the perpetrator of the crime.

Zack sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"Yeah, I tried to, but he freaked out on me and ran off. I swear, that kid can run faster than any SOLDIER I've ever met; we were only a few feet away from the stairs, and I was following pretty much straight away, but when I rounded the corner, I couldn't find him anywhere. I thought about going after him, but I thought it'd be more productive if I came and told you. That way, it gives me time to think things over while he has a moment to calm himself down."

Although Zack was pretty sure of his plan, as was always the case when he saw Sephiroth's calm and neutral face as he weighed the situation, he began to doubt himself.

"Or do you think I should have gone after him? Should I go now? If you think he might run off somewhere, if I start now, I'll have a better chance of finding him." The SOLDIER babbled, his face creasing with worry as he tormented himself with thoughts of what Cloud could have done.

Sephiroth simply shook his head, waving off his friend's concerns, telling him without words to calm down.

"No. He won't have run away. At least he won't have run far; he will not have left the Shinra building." Sephiroth said with absolute confidence.

Zack gave the General a questioning look, wondering how he could be so certain about this.

Sephiroth chuckled slightly, though it held little humour.

"It is human nature to seek security after a distressing occurrence. Human nature also dictates that 'security' means something that we are familiar with; because if we are familiar with it, we have learnt whether it is safe or not. Strife has no friends or relatives living outside of Shinra, save for his mother, and she is too far away. His only friend," here Sephiroth nodded at Zack, "resides in the Shinra building, and he knows the people, the layout and the routine and activities of the Shinra building. He is familiar with it. It is his only security away from Nibelheim, which is too far away to help."

Zack nodded, as he could see the logic of it when it was said like that.

But then his brow furrowed into a frown again, and he looked back at Sephiroth with worried eyes.

"Well it's a good thing he's still here, obviously, but still…do you think I should go look for him now?" The brunette asked, concern and doubt wavering in his eyes.

Sephiroth was silent for a while, and he eyed Zack carefully as he debated. And when he spoke, it was slow and deliberate.

"I think…I think you should give him time to calm down and sleep. And I also think that it is essential that you contact him first thing in the morning. You should be in his dorm room before he wakes up." Sephiroth almost glared at Zack, as if to impress upon him how important it was that he follow these instructions.

The SOLDIER looked at Sephiroth curiously.

"Well, I was planning to go to him in the morning anyway, but…why is it so important that I get to him before he wakes up?"

Sephiroth smiled grimly.

"Do you remember some of the…shall we say, more challenging, moments of Wutai, Zack?" The General asked, his eyes stormy.

Zack shuddered.

"Of course I remember, where's this going?" He almost snapped, then proceeded to look sheepish at his snippy tone.

Sephiroth didn't seem to care. Either that or he didn't notice.

"Well then, you will remember that after some of the worst times, for example, after a particularly bad battle, one would not be horrified, as anyone else would imagine you would be after an experience like that; one would not feel horror or sickness, one would feel simply… nothing. You would go about your activities with a sort of numbness for the rest of that day. But for the rest of that day only. The next day was when the horror hit. That's when the younger or simply overstressed SOLDIERS and troopers would start screaming. Because you have had a whole night for the adrenaline and shock to wear off. And you have dreamt. So it's the 'morning after', if you will excuse the innuendo, which is the clincher."

Zack closed his eyes and sighed as realisation struck. He shook his head.

"Of course. You're right. I'll go down to his room at 6:00. He usually wakes up half an hour later."

Sephiroth nodded.

"But for now, get some sleep. You'll need it if you're going to put all your negotiating skills to use tomorrow."

* * *

Zack groaned as he was startled into consciousness by the awful chatter of his radio alarm.

His arm flailed as he felt about for the switch to turn off the sound.

"Don't mean to sound callous, but right now I don't care about rising house prices." Zack mumbled to the radio presenter, who fell silent when Zack finally found the right button.

For a few moments he just lay there, trying to properly wake up and get over the shock of being woken at half past five in the morning.

He had wanted to be sure that he got to Cloud before he woke up and had a chance to panic.

At the thought of the young blond, Zack groaned and pulled himself out of bed, grasping for any clothes that were close by.

Things had been going quite well, as he had found a t-shirt and socks, but then it suddenly went downhill.

"I could have sworn that I didn't own a leather harness."

* * *

Zack was still trying to shake the last of the sleep out of his eyes by the time he reached Cloud's room, knocking on the door softly.

"Cloud?" He called softly.

There was no reply from inside. Zack knocked on the door, louder this time, feeling panic already starting to rise.

"Cloud?!"

"What the fuck – oh, it's you Zack."

The door had swung open to reveal another First Class SOLDIER that Zack was friendly with.

Zack stared, unable to digest this information, utterly confused.

What the hell was Thompson doing in Cloud's…oh HELL no.

No. It couldn't be. Not Thompson. He wouldn't do something like that.

Then again, you never could tell…but no! No. Thompson was Zack's _friend_. Zack knew how to read people…didn't he?

_Alright, alright, just calm down, I'm sure there's a perfectly…ahh, fuck it, I'm going to KILL him! I'm going to – no! No. Stop it. Can't just ramble on and make accusations like that without any proof whatsoever. Think of what Seph said._

Zack's thoughts whirled around at a hundred miles a minute, and Thompson was starting to give him a strange look.

So Zack schooled his face into a pleasant smile, and took a deep breath.

"Hey Thompson, sorry to wake you…what are you doing in Strife's room?"

For a moment, the other SOLDIER looked perplexed, and then his face lit up in comprehension.

"Strife? Oh, you mean the kid that rooms here? He'll be at the barracks, we just came back from a mission, and we were given room privileges."

Thompson opened the door a little wider, for Zack to see that Cloud was no where in the room.

Understanding hit Zack, and a sigh of relief left him. Thompson was not Cloud's little 'singer'.

Shinra military had a system called 'Room Privileges', for SOLDIER's, that was perhaps, slightly unfair.

Room Privileges stated that if any SOLDIER's came back from a violent, long and/or exhausting mission any later than one a.m., they could use the Cadet's rooms to sleep and recover in, as SOLDIER dorms were a long way away from the main entrance to Shinra.

The idea had originally been that as a result of this, the SOLDIER's would be rested enough to go back on duty the next day. That idea had been discarded after the first three uses of RP.

The Cadet's would spend the night in the empty barracks that they had used in previous years.

Great, so Cloud was in the barracks. With all the other Cadet's and his tormentors surrounding him. Way to make the kid feel comfortable.

Zack was just about to say his goodbye's and shut the door, when he suddenly realised who he was talking to.

"Hey Thompson, you're a medic, right?" Zack asked, still amazed at himself for not remembering sooner.

"Yeah." The other replied, leaning against the door frame.

"Well, do you think you could do me a favour?" Zack requested, his mind working at twice its normal speed in order to consider how Cloud might react to Thompson.

"Yeah, sure." The other replied. "I owe you big time anyway, for getting me that week of leave"

Zack smiled slightly, but it was preoccupied. They had to get to Cloud before he woke up. He needed to explain this quickly.

"Great, thanks for this, I'll owe _you_ one now. I want you to examine someone. A cadet…and I want you to keep it off the record. He doesn't want to go to the medical centre; he's kind of freaked out right now, and I figured that rather than forcing him to go down there, it'd be better if I had someone I trust take a look at him." Zack explained hurriedly, looking at Thompson carefully, awaiting his reaction.

"Sure. I'll take a look at him, and no one else needs to know." Thompson agreed, somewhat darkly. He had to patch up too many cadets off the record. It was sad, and said a hell of a lot about the other cadets. "So I'm guessing you need me now, right?"

Zack smiled in relief, and replied with an affirmative.

"Lead the way." Thompson said.

* * *

Zack and Thompson strolled into the barracks to find it, predictably, full of the other cadets that had been chucked out of their rooms.

Zack grinned slightly as he considered how he was going to get rid of the others. Simple; play the role of the hard ass First Class SOLDIER. The type that would make the toughest drill sergeants proud.

"ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE S.O.B'S, MOVE IT OUT OF HERE!" Zack bellowed as loud as his voice could go. All the cadets jumped out of their skins and looked around dazedly for a moment, wondering what the hell was happening.

"I SAID MOVE YOUR SCRAWNY ASSES! NOW!" Now that the cadets were aware of what was happening, they were all scrambling out of bed and hastening to obey.

"TOO SLOW, LADIES, TOO SLOW! ALRIGHT COME ON, THAT'S IT, MOVE IT OUT OF HERE! GO DOWN AND GET AN EARLY BREAKFAST OR FIND ONE OF YOUR BUDDIES TO ROOM WITH, WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, JUST MOVE IT!"

The cadets began filing out of the room, hastily and still somewhat dazedly grabbing whatever essentials were close to them; clothes, deodorant, soap…

And they were all muttering darkly as they cleared out, but even so they obeyed, and still had their respect and admiration for Zack; even though he had just interrupted their sleep, they found a way to admire even this. They admired the way that Zack could make his voice carry, and the way that when he spoke, everyone obeyed. Though they were a little surprised; Zack was generally thought of as one of the 'nice' SOLDIER's. The one that you went to because he didn't shout and scream like the drill sergeants.

Zack was pretty much the type of SOLDIER every recruit and cadet wanted to be.

If you removed Sephiroth from their line of sight.

Thompson chuckled slightly as all the cadets immediately left.

All apart from one lump that was still curled up in bed.

He nodded in the direction of the lump, and looked at Zack questioningly. The other SOLDIER nodded. He motioned for Thompson to be quiet as he quietly made his way to the cadet's bed.

Cloud had recognised Zack's voice, and had simply stayed in bed in a vain attempt to hide from the confrontation that was coming.

So now he simply ignored Zack, even when he felt the SOLDIER's weight dip the bed.

"Cloud?" Came the soft voice. Cloud simply curled up tighter.

Zack gripped the edge of the duvet cover, and pulled gently, just enough to show Cloud's face.

Zack leaned down to peer into those blue eyes with gentle demanding.

"Cloud," Zack began softly, "I'm going to give you a choice. We can do this the easy way (i.e. my way), and you can let my buddy, who is a medic, look you over, here, in the comfort of your own bed, or we could do this the hard way, and we could drag you down to the medical centre, where you will have to submit to an examination anyway. And see if you can guess which way is gonna cause you more stress."

Cloud sniffled, and sent a watery glare Zack's way.

"I hate you."

"No you don't." Zack said gently, pulling the boy carefully into a sitting position, and motioning for Thompson to approach.

The medic sat down on the bed, setting down his bag of supplies, and tugging on white medical gloves.

"Hey Cloud. My name's Thompson. I've been a medic since I came here as a cadet, when I started out on an intern programme, so you don't need to worry, I'll take good care of you." Thompson assured, rummaging through his bag.

Cloud simply nodded, his entire body tense in Zack's arms, as if trying to send Zack vibes of 'Let go of me. I don't want to be here. Make him leave. If you let go of me for one second I will bolt. Please just let go.'

Zack was getting the vibes loud and clear, but he paid them no heed, other than stroking Cloud's shoulder with his thumb.

Thompson looked at the still tightly strung Cloud, and sighed a little.

"Don't worry Cloud. This is strictly confidential. It stays between us. Nobody else is going to know about this." He reassured, noticing that this seemed to relax the boy a tiny amount.

"Okay, look, first thing's first, I need to get a look at those ribs; they look like they've been crushed a bit. Are you finding it a bit difficult to draw deep breaths?" Thompson asked, suddenly all business.

Cloud shrank away slightly, as far as Zack would allow, but nodded in response to the question. He had found that since last night he had to take rather shallow breaths.

Thompson drew a stethoscope out of his bag, and gestured for Cloud to lean forward.

"Okay then, in that case I need to get a listen to your respiration." Thompson muttered, half to himself and half to Zack and Cloud.

"Just lean forwards for me please."

Zack gently pushed Cloud forwards and lifted his shirt for the medic, exposing Cloud's carpet burn and scalding inflicted back.

Both SOLDIER's grimaced at the raw flesh, and Thompson murmured,

"We'll have to deal with that soon. For now, I'm afraid that this is going to sting a little."

Cloud gasped and flinched away as cold metal touched hot, raw skin. He tried again to struggle out of Zack's arms and away from the probing medic, but his friend simply shushed him, and tightened his grip, his thumb still keeping up a soothing, metronome stroking of Cloud's arm.

"I'm just going to put my hand over your ribs; I need to see how far they can move." Thompson explained, reaching around to gently squeeze Cloud's ribs.

"Take a breath for me Cloud, as deep as you can. It's gonna hurt, and I'm sorry, but it won't take long."

Cloud looked at Zack as if to implore him to stop this, but Zack just nodded his head, prompting him to breathe.

The blond scowled, but took as deep a breath as he could manage without it hurting. It was a shallow breath, even Cloud would admit that, but he just knew that if he drew in the tentative breath any more, he would be in pain.

"Come on Cloud, I need it to be deeper than that." Thompson reprimanded gently.

Cloud's eyes swivelled in shock. He let out his breath.

"If I breathe any deeper, it hurts." He protested, trying to wiggle free of the grasp of the older men again.

Zack simply exerted a little more pressure, readjusting his hold on Cloud.

"I know it's gonna be uncomfortable, but I need you to do this to see how badly your ribs are damaged." Thompson explained calmly.

Cloud did nothing. He did not want to aggravate the injury…the pain from breathing too deeply had kept him awake for quite a while during the night.

"Come on Cloud." Came Zack's soft voice from the side. He petted Cloud's hair. "If you just take one deep breath, Thompson can stop your ribs from hurting so badly."

Cloud still had a very strong desire to simply run, but he knew that Zack was right; he just wanted the pain to abate.

He drew in a deep breath.

And felt a very sharp pain.

He immediately winced and wriggled a little, as if he could somehow shift his ribs to a more comfortable position.

He felt Thompson squeezing his ribs delicately, and heard Zack's voice to his right tell him that he was a good Choco.

Choco; the nickname Zack had graced him with within one hour of meeting him. It usually pissed off Cloud. Now he just found it strangely comforting.

"That's it Cloud, I just need you to try a little deeper." Came Thompson's voice.

Cloud whimpered. This hurt as it was, he couldn't go any further.

Zack stroked Cloud's now slightly sweat damp hair, feeling very sympathetic.

"You can do it Cloud, just a little more." Zack encouraged, in a voice that was kind, but left no room for argument.

Cloud sucked in a little more breath and screwed his eyes tight at the pain.

Thompson again felt his ribs gently.

Cloud feared he would ask for a deeper breath still, but was relieved when he only said,

"Okay, that's fine Cloud. You can breathe out now, but just do it slowly okay?"

Cloud had to employ his strongest self restraint to do as Thompson said and not just let out the air in one big gust.

Zack patted the blonde's back, and then looked to Thompson, wordlessly asking for his findings.

"The ribs are quite severely bruised, but nothing is broken; but I'll have to put a brace on them to keep them from moving too much; if they are subjected to any more stress they might crack." The medic explained, rummaging around in his kit.

"But before I do that I'll need to do something about his back and look over the rest of the more superficial wounds."

Zack nodded, hoping that he could get Cloud to stay still for all this. He looked across to the boy, who was drawn up, with a look of pain and weariness and slight indignation at being poked and prodded. Definitely jumpy.

_A healing materia would be quicker and easier. _Zack thought wistfully. _But I know that that's pretty much out of the question, seeing as the bloody Shinra restricts use of materia to battle and field op only; any injuries at HQ have to do without the shinies. Stingy bastards._

_Mind you, I can see their point; materia is like a lifeline in battle, and I know from painful first hand experience how…inconvenient a shortage can be._

Zack shuddered, remembering the times that he had cursed whoever was using materia when he needed it.

_Besides, _he thought again, _there is only so much materia can do for something like this._

"Uh, Zack?"

Zack was pulled out of his musings by Thompson's voice. It held a note of trepidation.

He looked around to see what the matter was, only to find Cloud curled up even tighter than before, his body thrumming with tension, everything about him exuding a message of, 'Don't touch me. If you touch me, I may just have to hurt you. You've done enough touching. Now go away.'

Zack licked his lip slightly nervously. He wasn't quite sure how to go about this. Gentle handling was in order.

"Cloud?" He called softly. Cloud's head snapped up unnaturally fast. He looked at Zack with wide, almost suspicious eyes.

"Aww, come on kiddo, don't give me that look. I'm not here to hurt you, and neither is Thompson." Zack pouted, hoping to lighten Cloud's mood a little, and make him less tense.

It worked, partially, as Cloud's muscles visibly relaxed a little, now that he was faced with the familiar sight of Zack joking around. But he refused to uncurl from his protective ball.

Thompson decided to speak up, now that Zack had soothed the boy down a little.

"Look Cloud, all I have to do is sort out that friction burn and scalding, and then clean the other, more minor wounds, then I'll be able to put a brace on those ribs, and I'll be done." He coaxed, appealing to Cloud's desire to get this over with, and put it behind him.

"All I'm gonna do is clean the burn, put some cream on it, and cover the worst area. That's all."

This seemed to appease Cloud, who eyed the medic warily for a while, and then nodded briefly.

Thompson then reached into his bag, bringing out a bottle of clear fluid and a white cloth. He overturned the bottle onto the piece of cloth, soaking it. He then turned to face the two other men.

"This is going to sting a little." Thompson warned, more for the benefit of Zack, who heeded the warning by gripping Cloud's arms in a comforting but confining hug.

Thompson then gently touched the sterilizer to Cloud's raw flesh, and carefully wiped and dabbed at the skin of the cadet's back.

Cloud's eyes widened in shock for a moment, then he hissed viciously, wriggling wildly in Zack's arms.

"Ow! That hurts! Let me go you bastard!" Cloud snarled, the pain momentarily blocking out anything but the desire to get away.

His hand shot out from Zack's grip, and immediately went back to strike and claw desperately at Thompson, his snarls growing louder.

Zack caught the hand in mid swing, before it got to the medic, and tucked it back under his own arm, patting Cloud soothingly.

"Don't hit him, Cloud, it's not Thompson's fault you're hurting." Zack said in the gentlest reprimand he could manage, while thinking that, actually, it _was_ partially due to Thompson's treatment that he was hurting.

But he wasn't going to say this to Cloud.

Cloud continued to hiss and spit his discomfort in the SOLDIER's hold, until they were finally done. Cloud's cuts and bruises had been cleaned and bandaged, and he had a tight, material wrap going around his ribs to steady them.

When Thompson and Zack finally released him, Cloud scooted back to the end of his bed, curling in on himself, gently pawing at his injuries, and glaring out at the two of them. It reminded Zack somewhat of a cat licking its wounds.

Thompson stood up, and Zack followed him to the other side of the room, out of Cloud's hearing range.

"His ribs aren't broken, though they are severely bruised, and could end up breaking if they are put under any more strain for the time being. The brace should stop them from moving." Thompson reported, Zack listening intently, arms folded, brow creased.

"The friction burn and scalding on his back is nasty; you'll have to apply the sterilizer and cream every day, and re-do his bandages. The same goes for the cuts and bruises; you'll need to clean them, and re-cover them. Let them get some air at night, but then cover them again in the morning." Here Thompson ground to a halt, and looked from Zack, then back over to Cloud awkwardly.

Zack arched a questioning eyebrow.

"What? What is it?" He asked, a little anxious that Thompson was not telling him something.

Thompson shifted uneasily on his feet.

"Well…um, Zack…" He faltered, trying to find the words. The look on Zack's face seemed to prompt them to come.

"Look, from what you said, and the way you've handled this, I'm guessing that someone…did more than just beat him up." He looked over at Cloud, wincing at how nasty even the polite way sounded.

Zack closed his eyes and sighed. After a while he simply nodded shortly.

"Well…I think you know that it would be best if I…examined the…trauma site." Thompson said delicately, not really used to dealing with anxious family and friends; his expertise was in the pure field medicine. His job was to patch people up either in the heat of battle, straight after the fight, or treat their long lasting injuries from war. It was someone else's job to comfort worried friends and relatives.

Zack's face screwed up. He could not imagine having to go through the discomfort and the indignity. And he wasn't sure Cloud _would _go through with it.

"Aww man, he is not gonna like this." Zack cursed, rubbing his hand through his hair.

He turned to Thompson.

"Look, I know where you are coming from, and I agree with you, but I'm not sure that Cloud will. I don't know if he'll agree to this."

Thompson sighed.

"Well, I can understand why he wouldn't want to do this, but it would be better in the long run. But understand I can't perform the exam without his consent." The medic explained. "Look, go over there, explain to him what's gonna happen, and why it needs to be done, and see what he says. But we can't force him."

Zack nodded slowly and took a deep breath to brace himself, then walked back over to Cloud.

The blond was still curled up and sniffling occasionally, obviously very upset at the examination that had, in his view, been no better than an undignified and rather painful mauling. Zack sat down slowly, reaching out a hand to smooth down Cloud's hair.

Cloud started at the touch, but quieted when he saw that it was only Zack, and he leaned into the older man's touch.

Zack smiled, and carefully brought the blond to lean into his side, not sure whether Cloud would accept this.

As it was, the boy was pliant in Zack's arms, and gladly rested against him, nuzzling Zack's neck slightly.

The SOLDIER took a few moments to just let Cloud lean in silence, giving him a chance to calm down before he started his persuasion.

"Cloud?" he murmured when he felt the younger man's pulse calm down.

"Mm?" came the sleepy murmur, and Zack looked down and saw that Cloud's eyes were closed against his chest.

"Cloud…I think it would be a good idea if you let Thompson get a look at…the last injury." Zack hesitated, not sure how to word it, and feeling very cautious.

Zack had been expecting an explosion of outrage and fear from Cloud. Had expected screaming and tears and struggling.

But none of those things came. Cloud was still against his friend's chest, and he was perfectly silent.

Until he whispered something so quiet that Zack would not have heard, were it not for his Mako enhancements.

"Please Zack. No more. No more. Just let me go to sleep. It's not hurting anymore. Just please. Let me sleep."

It was not a scream. It was not a tantrum. It was not even really that forceful. It was just weary and pleading. And Zack found that it was also impossible to disagree with.

"Alright. Alright, Cloud. You don't have to do anything else. You can sleep now."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Part five

It was one of those times when you suddenly woke up, but you had no idea why.

It was also one of those times when you woke up and had no idea where you are.

Cloud did not like those times. His groggy, confused eyes roved around the room, trying to figure out where he was.

Not the barracks. That was for definite.

But he had gone to sleep in the barracks. Hadn't he? So it was safe to say that he was more than slightly worried by the fact that he was waking up in a different place from where he had fallen asleep.

He backed up until he hit the wall with a loud thud.

_Okay, okay, no need to panic, there's probably a really good – oh SHIT! I can hear someone moving around! It's fucking footsteps. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. Please, God, not now, please don't let them find me, please, please, please._

Cloud could feel his heart beating sickeningly quickly in absolute terror.

His eyes skimmed wildly around the room for a weapon, a place to hide, anything…

But there was nothing. He could feel his body trembling as the footsteps got nearer and nearer. Sweating profusely, he slid down the wall and drew his knees up to his chest, unable to make any sort of movement other than that.

The door handle jiggled, and Cloud swore his heart was going to leap right out of his chest.

The door swung open, and Cloud looked up with feral eyes, trying to see the form at the door.

But there was light coming from the hallway behind, and none from his room, and so all he could see was a silhouette.

He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Cloud?"

Then his eyes shot open, shock pouring down on him like a bucket of cold water. He knew that voice.

"Zack?" He almost choked out, daring to hope.

"Yeah, Cloud, it's just me." That wonderfully deep, reassuring voice called. A switch was flicked, and a dim light filled the room.

He looked up and almost sobbed his relief.

"Spike, what's wrong?" Zack's voice sounded concerned, and he frowned slightly as he shut the door softly to keep out the harsh light.

"Hey, hey, Cloudy, what's the matter?" His concern became even more obvious as his eyes adjusted to the light and he saw Cloud huddled there against the wall.

He walked over and sat down next to the blond, pulling him forwards into a hug.

Cloud went easily, just so relieved and desperate to have confirmation of his safety.

"Jesus, Cloud, something really got you wound up, didn't it?" Zack asked, feeling Cloud's heart racing. "Care to tell me what it was?"

Cloud blushed a little as he thought about it.

"Well, I just woke up, and I didn't really know…where I was. I mean, I was in the barracks, and then I woke up here, and I just…panicked."

Cloud bowed his head, feeling rather stupid now, for not recognising Zack's quarters, where he had spent possibly more time than in his own room.

"Yeah, I can understand that." Zack said, smiling a little sheepishly. "Sorry about that. Just figured that you'd be more comfortable here."

Cloud shook his head.

"No, it's okay. You were right. I don't want to go back there." He muttered, giving a minute shudder of revulsion that anyone else would have missed.

Zack obviously was not just anyone else, as his face dropped the smile immediately, and he moved his hands up to Cloud's shoulder and began to lightly squeeze.

Cloud leaned into Zack further with a shuddering sigh, and a painful silence took up residence in the room.

Zack just didn't know what to say. Oh, he knew what he _wanted _to say, but just wasn't sure where to start or how to say it, or even whether he should say it. Cloud seemed to be just waiting for Zack to start berating him, and so he kept quiet, hoping to put off the inevitable confrontation.

"Cloud," Zack's voice broke the silence after what seemed like years. He didn't want to upset Cloud right now, but this one thing he just had to say.

Cloud didn't respond apart from to nod.

"If it…if you start hurting…if you start to…bleed…you've got to tell me, yeah?" Zack's voice was almost a whisper, as if saying the words quietly would take out the awful implications.

Cloud just clamped his eyes shut, wanting to block out the words. He couldn't believe that Zack had to say this to him. Zack of all people. The person whose respect he craved and valued the most. The person who Cloud was desperate to appear strong to. And here he was, having to tell Cloud that if he was bleeding, he had to say something to him.

And it wasn't as if Zack was talking about blood from a training accident. Cloud didn't think that this could be any more humiliating.

He grit his teeth. This wasn't fucking _fair._

Zack however, simply tightened his grip.

"Come on Cloud, I know you'd really rather not tell me something like that. I know that you're probably angry as hell, and just want me to leave you to it. I know that this is undignified, but Cloud, there's no reason to be ashamed, okay?" Zack asked fiercely, obviously putting a lot of effort into not squeezing Cloud too hard.

"But you can't just ignore this. It won't go away if you don't think about it. You need to think about your health. So I want you to tell me if you're in pain, okay? And don't think for one moment that I'm gonna just abandon you if you throw a tantrum on me, because I'm not."

Zack's face was stern, and he was using his rare, no-bullshit tone of voice that he usually reserved for difficult students.

He looked Cloud straight in the eye, forcing the blond to make eye contact even as he tried to look away.

"So you can get as angry as you want." Zack said calmly, face smooth, still stern. "You can throw a queen hissy fit, and you can spit and scream and beat me up all you like, and I'm still not going to go. So you had better just listen to me, and tell me if you need anything."

Cloud's eyes were glassy in the face of Zack's chastisement and the night's events, but he nodded shortly, and then pressed his face into Zack's chest to get away from the older man's scrutiny.

For a moment they just stayed like that, Cloud enjoying the calm and quiet after the last few hours of chaos, and Zack just glad that Cloud wasn't fighting against the embrace.

At last though, Zack felt Cloud's head begin to droop tiredly against his shoulder, and he spoke up.

"C'mon Cloudy, how about we go back to bed hmm?" The SOLDIER murmured.

Cloud's eyes opened in confusion. Bed. Why would they go back to bed? Zack and the medic had come to see him at about six a.m. and it couldn't be much later now, they hadn't spent that long examining him.

"What do you mean? What time is it?" Cloud mumbled, surprised to find himself so drowsy.

"Look at the clock, kiddo." Zack chuckled slightly. "It's eleven at night. After I brought you up here, you pretty much fell asleep straight away. You slept the whole day away."

Cloud's eyes swept around to the clock that Zack was pointing to, and his eyes bulged when he realised that Zack wasn't making a mistake. Gods, he had never slept like that before!

And then he cringed as he realised that he had probably woken Zack up. Contrary to what people first expect, Zack actually goes to bed fairly early when he knows he has work in the morning. And Cloud knew that Zack was, in all likelihood, asleep before Cloud had started banging about.

"I'm sorry." Cloud mumbled. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Zack shifted to look down into the younger boy's eyes, and held his chin firmly.

"Don't apologise." He said, almost gritting his teeth. "It doesn't matter. I told you that you have to tell me if you need anything. I mean that. There isn't a timetable scheduled here. If you need anything, you tell me straight away. I don't care if I'm asleep, in the most important corporate meeting in the world, or having the night of my life with Rufus Shinra. You tell me when you need something."

Cloud was quiet for a moment, taking in all that Zack had said. Then he turned to face Zack, a quizzical expression on his face.

"Rufus Shinra?"

For a moment, Zack just stared at Cloud. Then the older man threw his head back and laughed.

"The first name I could think of that wasn't President Shinra himself."

Zack shuddered, and Cloud grimaced.

"Now_that _would be tragic. Besides, the Shinra brat is turning into quite the cutie. He may be as cold as a penguin's balls to anyone who dares to approach, but he sure is pleasing to the eye." Zack mused with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Cloud shrugged, blushing slightly. He had to admit, on the rare occasions that he had seen the Shinra heir, he had found the young man to be rather…aesthetically pleasing.

"Suppose you're right." Cloud yawned, curling up ever so slightly against Zack. "But I don't think you should attempt anything with him. I think Tseng would kill you if you tried anything."

The last thing he heard before drifting off to sleep again was Zack's rich belly laugh reverberating off the walls.

TBC.


	6. Chapter 6

Part six

Part six

Cloud woke up warm. He woke up rather suddenly, and felt rather too warm.

It would have been nice on any other occasion. It had been nice up until a few minutes ago. But now the warmth was stifling. He felt…clustered. His skin crawled. Itched.

Zack was sleeping next to him, fully clothed, arm draped over him. Nice up until now.

"Zack." Cloud mumbled, pushing at the older man slightly. There was no response. Zack's body just rocked slightly from his nudging.

"Zack. Zack." Cloud continued to mumble sleepily, but with a hint of repressed strain there, his nudges getting a little more forceful. "_Zack."_

Zack woke with a surprised snort/snore.

"Wh-what? What? Cloud, what's the matter?" He asked with gradually increasing comprehension and concern.

A little of Cloud's urgency dissipated, but his voice still held clear distress, even though it was well muted.

"Nothing's wrong, I just need to get to the bathroom that's all." Cloud explained, all the while looking steadfastly at the door to the bathroom, his small hands still gripping Zack's shirt.

The brunette stared at him sleepily for a while, before finally nodding, as though the sleep was causing his mind to suffer a bit of a time lag.

Cloud scrambled passed Zack when he sat up enough to let Cloud pass, and as he made to stand up, he asked,

"Can I use your shower?"

The SOLDIER's eyes immediately narrowed, all traces of sleep gone.

"You don't need a shower, Cloudy." He said quietly but firmly, eyes meeting the cadet's large blue ones.

"But-" Cloud began to speak, but Zack cut him off.

"No. You've already showered. For God knows how long, and at a temperature high enough to cook lobster. You don't need a shower." He finished the speech quietly, but almost chillingly firmly by reiterating his first statement.

At any other time, Cloud would not have even thought of arguing, and would have complied, as this was Zack's 'no bullshit' tone of voice, the one he used when missions went wrong. The one he used that reminded everyone that he was a First Class SOLDIER and that there was a reason for it.

But right now the urgency was rising within him, bubbling up into what could very well come out as hysterical laughter or tears, as the feeling of dirtiness was increasing, making his skin itch and feel swollen. He couldn't stand it. It was rising in him like a tidal wave. He shifted his feet restlessly on the carpet.

"Please Zack. I just feel really dirty. I know I'm not, but I just…Please. I need to do this. I won't do anything else. I'll even keep the water on cold. I just need to…to rinse it off. Just to wash it away. _Please_."

Zack considered arguing that nothing dirty could possibly be on Cloud's body after that first nightmare shower, but then he caught the first really good glimpse of his face.

It was lined. Unnaturally so. Eyes narrowed unconsciously, brows tightly furrowed, lips pursed anxiously, teeth gnawing at the bottom lip. All those lines made Cloud's face seem like a bag that was filled to overflowing. Trying to keep everything in, but on the verge of failing and bursting.

Zack had a feeling that the hysteria that was barely being kept in check may need some form of slow release before it simply burst out anyway. Perhaps a shower wouldn't be such a terrible idea.

Zack steeled himself and moulded his face into the sternest look he could, the one that left no room for argument or compromise.

"Five minutes. And I don't want the temperature gage going above half way. It should be _warm_, not boiling. If I see lots of steam coming out from the bathroom, don't think I'll hesitate for one minute to come in there." The SOLDIER told Cloud quietly but firmly, catching Cloud's eye and keeping it fixed. "If I don't hear that water go off after five minutes, I will come in there and I will drag you out of the shower, make no mistake about it."

Cloud, head down and looking somewhat chastened, nodded quietly. Zack felt a twinge of guilt for being so harsh, but didn't regret it. He didn't want Cloud burning his skin again.

"Hey." He spoke quietly, lifting Cloud's chin with a gentle hand. "I just don't want you hurting."

Cloud nodded again and gave a weak smile, turning to the bathroom, leaving Zack with the distinct impression that it was too late to stop that from happening.

* * *

Cloud stood directly in the centre of the stream of water with his arms spread slightly, making sure that the cleansing and healing liquid coursed over as much of his body as it could.

The sickening crawling of his skin that felt to Cloud just like dried and crusted mud was slowly being rinsed away.

The hysteria that it had caused to steadily rise in his stomach was slowly dissipating. The desire to scratch his own skin nearly right off had also lessened with each drop of water that landed on his marked flesh.

Occasionally he felt an intense itching on one particular patch of skin or another, and his hands flew to the stained patch, scratching and scrubbing for a frantic second before pulling away, Zack's stern face wavering in his mind, staying his hands.

* * *

Zack slumped back into bed, half sitting up, not even trying to get back to sleep.

He made an effort to not stare at the bathroom door, to not look for any sign of steam.

But he eventually gave up, and simply sat there, staring at the door, on guard duty even when he was not on the job.

* * *

Cloud felt like sinking to the floor of the shower and just letting the lukewarm, cleansing water wash over him, and blocking everything else out. But he knew he couldn't, because if he did then Zack would come in and pull him out of the shower. Again. He didn't doubt that Zack would do it. And he didn't need for this to be any more humiliating than it already was. So he gave his thighs one more sluicing, and then shut off the water. As he stepped out of the shower and began to dress, he was sure he could almost feel Zack relax from his position on the other side of the door.

* * *

Zack looked up when he heard the door to the bathroom open, and he smiled at Cloud as the blond emerged, spikes of hair wet and drooping slightly. Cloud returned the smile with a small and rather awkward one of his own. But it was still a smile.

"Hey." Zack said softly.

"Hey." Came the quiet reply. "I don't think I'm gonna get back to sleep, so I'm just gonna sit and watch some crappy TV, if you don't mind."

Zack smiled.

"Course I don't mind. Crappy TV is good for the soul." But his voice gradually became a little more serious. "But I hope you don't mind if I join you, cause I think I'm in need of some gloriously bad TV, and I also think we could do with a little talk."

Cloud winced slightly, but did not object when Zack followed him through to the lounge and sat next to him on the sofa.

Nothing was said for a few painfully long minutes, as they both simply sat and let the blue light and the forced sentiments from the television screen wash over them. Then Zack spoke up, and Cloud winced, preferring the silence to speech, now that the time had come.

"Cloudy, why didn't you tell me?" Zack's voice was quiet and too controlled.

He stayed quiet for a moment, thinking, but trying not to consider what his actual thought processes at the time had been. The first time…

No. No, he wouldn't think about that. The filth, the stench, the slick, the pain. His skin crawling with so much revulsion that it felt like he just wanted his flesh to shrivel up. No. Don't think about that.

"Cloud? Cloud, wh-"

"Why do you fucking think?!" Leviathan take it! That had come out sounding far too much like a choked sob. Damn it, you can't cry now! Not. Now.

Except Zack was looking at him with eyes full of sympathy and pain and kindness and _guilt_, fucking _guilt_, as if he had been the one to violate. And that gaze was just making it all the harder to keep it together.

"Why do you think?" This time it was softer, the voice was giving in to the tears, a clear soft sobbing beginning. "Why would I say anything? _How_ could I say anything? _What in hell was I supposed to say?_" The voice was cracking now, unable to play the part of the dam to the hysteria that was roiling inside of him.

"What was I supposed to _do? _He…he…_completely_ _manipulated_ me…controlled me and, and, and…fucking _mauled _me with his filthy skin, and then he made my skin filthy and dirty too. He made me _itch_, I was so dirty. And he did it so fucking_ easily!_"

Cloud's sobbing violently hitched into a livid screaming, and his fists went to his bowed head and tugged at the blond strands there in brutal jerks, his face red, nose running and eyes streaming.

"Cloud! Cloud, no. No, you can't do that. Listen to me, you need to stop." Zack said to Cloud loudly, clearly and calmly, grasping the boy's hands, his thumbs pressing down on Cloud's knuckles, forcing the unwilling hands to open like some sort of ruined flower, opening furiously and reluctantly.

Cloud keened, and looked up at Zack through the spiked bangs falling over his eyes, and the boy's face was twisted with such bitter anger and fear that when Zack pulled him to his chest and enveloped him in his arms, he may have squeezed too tight.

Cloud half screamed and half sobbed into Zack's chest, while the older man's hands smoothed down the blond thatch of hair in front of him, making nonsense murmuring and shushing noises, his mind in over-drive.

"It was so _easy._" Cloud's voice was ragged against Zack's chest. "He never had to even _try_, because I always just…just _folded_ so easily. He scared me. He scared me and I hate him for it, because I shouldn't have been scared by that pathetic bastard. And-and I always told myself that next time, _next time_ I would fight. I would fight him an stop him and stand up for myself, but…but I never did. The thought of him just scared me too damn much, what he would do if I hurt him…I didn't want to make him even more angry, so I just sat there and waited for him like a little coward! And even that one time when I had my-my gun out, ready for him, when he appeared, he-he just…_walked right up to me, _and I just dropped the damn gun, I just dropped down on the floor and…_dropped the fucking gun! Ha!_"

Cloud's hitching breaths turned into screeching, hysterical laughter, and his fists tightened where they grabbed Zack's shirts, and eventually Cloud's tiny, quick cackles tapered out into heaving sobs once more.

Zack rocked the boy back and forth, his own eyes tearing up in the face of Cloud's fear and loathing.

"Sshh, it's okay Cloudy, it's alright. You're okay now. I won't let him near you." The blond shuddered minutely. "I know he scared you, Cloudy, I know he did. But he's not going to have the opportunity to scare you again. I won't let him. Hell, Seph won't let him." Zack chuckled sadly. But he then gently pushed Cloud away from him, so he could take the boy's face in his hands, forcing Cloud to look at him, no matter how much he tried to avoid the gaze.

"But Cloud." Zack began, his tone low, deadly serious. "You are not a coward. Anybody would be terrified by what that bastard did to you. Don't you dare even think about labelling yourself a coward. That man knew that you'd be scared. He was counting on it. People like that count on other's fear. They're bullies. They depend on making their victims frightened enough that they won't take a stand against them. It's sick. And _they_ are the cowards, Cloud, not you."

Zack gently jerked Cloud's chin, eyes fixed steadily on the blonde's, wanting, _needing_ Cloud to understand this.

"You tried to fight back. Which is more than a lot of people have the courage to do. You are not a coward. You are not dirty. That man is sick and twisted, but none of that rubbed off on you. It's not possible. You are brave. You've gotten through this in one peace, and you have the kindest, purest nature of anyone I know. And you are not a coward. Do you understand?"

Zack's voice was stern, leaving no room for doubt, and he would not allow Cloud to look away.

The boy trembled in Zack's hold, simply staring wide eyed at Zack, but nodded his head in the barest of movements, burying his head back into the older man's chest when his eyes began to water again.

Zack patted Cloud's back, stroking his hair and rocking him, his cheek resting in blond hair, so glad for Cloud's sake that he could hear his breathing evening out, on the verge of much-needed sleep.

"I called for you." Cloud's quiet, sleepy voice startled Zack. The words confused him, but he nevertheless felt a cold ball of dread forming in his stomach, half not wanting Cloud to go on. "I called for you when he did it to me. And for mama. I called for you and mama."

Zack couldn't help it. His breath hitched in a silent sob, and he tightened his hold on Cloud, pressing a chaste kiss to the top of his head. And wondered. Wondered how someone could do something like that to a young man who was calling for his best friend and for his mother.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter seven**

Zack woke up with an aching back and a stiff neck, groaning as he wondered why the hell he was experiencing such pain. What had he done last night?

He slowly opened his eyes and let out another groan as realisation slowly dawned. He was scrunched up on the sofa, and had his arm stretched out, as if there had, at one point, been someone sitting next to him, with whom he had been snuggling. Then, as his higher brain powers truly began to kick in, he managed to recall what had transpired last night, and who it was who had been sat next to him. The only problem now was finding Cloud. Because he sure as hell wasn't where he had been the last time Zack had seen him. And he couldn't hear any noise coming from the rest of the apartment. But before he decided to go gallivanting off to all corners of Shinra HQ, he decided he would check the apartment anyway, as useless as the gesture might seem.

So. Obviously not in the living room. But perhaps he had become uncomfortable during the night, and had crawled back into the spare bedroom. Or maybe even Zack's own room.

But a search of those rooms yielded no results. The spare bedroom greeted Zack with the rumpled sheets of Cloud's bed, a product of his midnight panic, and Zack's bed was no better, sheets thrown haphazardly into one messy heap at the foot of the bed, a response of his own to his friend's fear. He still remembered how his heart had been beating so quickly, how urgently he had jumped out of bed upon hearing Cloud's distress. How nothing else at that moment had mattered other than getting to Cloud. Making sure that he was safe.

Dejected from his fruitless search, Zack wandered into the kitchen, hoping that, if nothing else he could get a decent breakfast before starting his proper search around HQ. He jumped a mile when Cloud's stone still form met his gaze.

The boy did not look up from his place at the kitchen table, even though he had to be aware of Zack's presence. He was sitting at the end of the table, clad in black cargo trousers, and a light blue t-shirt, both standard Shinra issue. His shoulders were slumped inwards, his bowed head almost curled up to his chest, yet somehow this did nothing but accentuate the tension Zack could see within his body. All his muscles coiled up, every part of his body ready to spring away should the need arise. His shoulders and neck should have been loose and relaxed, slumped as they were, but they were strained almost to the point of quivering.

"Cloud?" Zack ventured to ask quietly. The boy did not look up. Indeed, he made no move whatsoever to show that he had heard Zack speak.

"Cloud, you doing okay?" Zack queried, his tone even more wary than before, as he began to very slowly edge around the table, his head bent slightly, to try to get a good look at Cloud's face.

"I'm fine Zack." The quiet voice was as calm and steady as Zack had feared it may be.

_Damn it Cloud, this is not a good time to push me away to prove that you're strong._

Zack took a seat at the table, just across from Cloud, sitting down slowly, watching the other, making sure that his proximity wasn't unnerving him.



No reaction. Not good. The last thing he needs now is to just lock up. Keep prodding.

"Are you sure? Because it's okay, you know, if you're not. I don't think anybody who was in your position would be able to truthfully say that they were okay."

Cloud's lips were pursed tightly into an unyielding and harsh line, as if they were trying desperately to stop any sound from spilling out. As if Cloud were afraid that one sound could burst the dam and that if he started talking, he would start shouting, and if he started shouting, he would start crying, and then he would not be able to stop.

Reaction registered. Keep prodding.

"And I don't think that you are being truthful with me, Cloud. I don't think that you are fine." Zack continued, his words probing and probably hurtful, but his tone soft and gentle.

No sound came from Cloud, save a strange, harsh breathing that was making his chest heave and his lips quiver tightly.

Reaction registered. Keep prodding.

"I know that you just want to ignore this and get on with your life, in the hope that this will go away. But it doesn't work like that." Cloud's eyes slid closed and then clamped tightly, as if he could ignore the words that condemned his last hope as useless. He took a moment to appreciate the irony of trying to ignore this particular speech. Zack's voice softened even more, until it was almost a whisper.

"You can't just turn a blind eye to this and carry on as if nothing has happened. You won't be able to rest easy unless you face this." Trying so very hard to be gentle. But gentleness and enough force to make someone think things through seriously rarely come as part of the same package. Cloud needed to realise that he couldn't just turn his back on this without serious consequences. But Zack was fearful that if pushed too hard, the consequences of the explosion just waiting to happen would be even more serious.

But something had to happen. Not an explosion. But _something._ Something that would prompt Cloud to at least begin to deal with this. Something cathartic.

Deep breath. Focus. See this through.

"Cloud, it's okay to be scared. And it's okay to be angry. Or whatever else you may be feeling. It's okay. For God's sake, you were rap-"

"No!"

Hands slammed down onto the table, chair scraped backwards. Body now trembling fiercely with anger. Lips still pressed tight and quivering, but doing no good now; the dam had broken.

"No! No, you don't say that word!" Cloud ground out, jaw clenched against the quivering of his lips and the heavy, heaving breaths that posed the very imminent threat of turning into sobs. His eyes were watering, and he wiped at them furiously, body turned away from Zack, one hand now stretching out as if to ward off the man. The other hand travelled from Cloud's eyes to his hair, 

where it balled into a tight fist, as if he could pull out all the unwanted thoughts and images by tugging out his hair.

"You don't ever say that word! That wasn't it. You're wrong!" Cloud's voice now definitely hitched on a sob, the blinking of his eyes finally forcing out the tears. "You're wrong!" A scream now.

Zack flinched, his face draining of colour as he realised for the first time the full extent of the damage to Cloud. But surely Cloud didn't really believe...

Zack knelt down beside Cloud's chair so that he could now look up and see the boy's face. He was still turned away from Zack, but the forbidding hand that had previously been raised against his approach had now dropped, and he did not seem to be overly distressed by the older man's proximity. But his head remained bowed, half of it covered by the hand that was still tugging at his hair, and he did not seem to want Zack's scrutiny, and appeared to curl up on himself as the other repeatedly angled his head in order to get a look at his face.

"Cloud." Zack placed his hands on either side of the chair Cloud was sitting on, effectively trapping him, forcing him to listen. "I need you to pay attention to what I'm saying, okay?" An almost desperate tone, his face tilted upwards, imploring the blond, begging with him.  
"What went on between the two of you was not sex." A strangled sound of distress and Cloud was turning away from Zack as far as his neck would allow.

"No." Undeterred, Zack twisted his own body around so he was crouching directly in front of Cloud once more. "No, you can't ignore this. You need to listen. What that man did to you was not, in any way similar to sex. That man raped you, he did _not_ have sex with you. "

Gentling his voice to a soft, soothing whisper, Zack very hesitantly reached out to touch Cloud's hand.  
"Cloud, sex is a consensual and _enjoyable_ experience. It is something to be treasured, something that you share with someone special to you. It is not what that man did to you." Despite his best efforts, Cloud's eyes were filling up with tears. He bit his lip against the noises that wanted to come pouring out.

But Zack wouldn't relent. _Couldn't _relent. He simply could not let Cloud believe that what he had suffered through was how sex should be. He couldn't let Cloud be terrified of sex for the rest of his life. That would be a crime.

The kid should be developing embarrassing crushes at this point in life. He should be taking those crushes on dates. He should be blushing madly as they start to clumsily and enthusiastically fumble around. He should be gradually learning the joys of intimacy. At his own pace. He should be figuring out who the right person is. Who he wants to be with.

He should not have to deal with the feeling of dirtiness that some bastard inflicted because he thought it was his right to just take, to violate. He should not have to be dealing with that anger, the confusion, the fear. He should not have to deal with the misplaced feelings of guilt, or the need to block out and ignore what had happened to him.



"Cloud, I swear to you, that man is going to pay. But you have to promise me something. Okay? Will you promise me something?" Zack insisted. He gently reached out and cupped Cloud's face, bringing him round to lock gazes. The kid looked down at him with wavering eyes, his lips still pursed together stubbornly, nose slightly red, and he seemed to be threatening Zack with a gaze that was at once sad and fierce. He seemed to be saying to Zack, _'Don't you dare say all this to me and then leave me, don't you dare. You'd better mean this.' _ He seemed to be telling the older man to make a promise of his own. And Zack was never one to back out.

"Cloud, I swear I'm not lying to you about any of this, and don't think that I'm gonna spout a bunch of fancy words and then leave you to get on with it, cos I'm not. But you need to play your own part in this, okay? Okay?" A gentle raising of the voice.  
Cloud nodded his head, and Zack smiled ever so slightly when the other leaned into his touch.

"Okay. I need you to promise me that you will never feel guilty about what happened, and that you will never think of it as sex. Because that is not how sex is meant to be. Okay? Can you do that?"

For a moment Cloud just stared hard at Zack. But then, seemingly satisfied that he was sincere in his own promise to Cloud, the blond nodded slowly.

Zack smiled. He stood up, and let his hand card through Cloud's hair soothingly, easing the tension of just a few moments ago.

"Okay. Let's go grab some breakfast."

TBC

Erm, I'm so very sorry. Really, please don't hate me because of the wait. I'm sorry!


	8. Chapter 8

Breakfast was a somewhat strained affair. Zack had backed away from Cloud, trying to ease the intensity of their previous encounter.

As he stood up he heard the young man's quiet sniffling, and saw him swiping at his slightly reddened and tear-stained cheeks. The worst of the violent sobs had ceased however, so he gently ruffled Cloud's spikes and wandered casually out of the kitchen in search of a clean uniform for himself.

He had been on the receiving end of a few pretty gruelling talks himself when he was younger. Nothing like the kind Cloud had had to endure, but fairly intense all the same. And he remembered that by the time the ordeal was over, he had felt wrung out, exhausted and not a little pissed off, along with a healthy dose of humiliation. He quickly came to a rather selfish conclusion.

He almost didn't want to know what was going on in Cloud's head.

He dreaded to think of the kind of chaos that was storming through the other's mind at this moment. But he was also very acutely and painfully aware that this line of thought was selfish and callous. To abandon him now, simply because he didn't think he could cope with his distress would be shirking the responsibilities he had for the blond, and would violate every moral code that Zack held.

Which was why he hated himself. There was still that small part inside him that wanted to do it, that never wanted to see Cloud in such a state again, that didn't think that he could cope if Cloud turned that ruined and angry gaze onto him again. He didn't want to see the fury and the hurt and the humiliation that burned from Cloud's soft and round face.

But he would not even contemplate leaving him. Not for a second did the thought - the possibility that he might leave - cross his mind.

And so with this thought in mind, he padded softly back into the kitchen, where Cloud sat at the table, now silent and dry-faced and looking for all the world like he may suddenly and quietly burst. The tension was back full force, almost palpable in the stale and still air that stretched between the two of them like a brick wall.

Zack opened his mouth to say something, but Cloud physically flinched from the attempt, as though the soft and familiar words would cut him, daggers through his skin. Though Zack doubted whether daggers could penetrate the slowly forming wall of chaos and unsaid things between them. The wall which thickened even now as Cloud shrunk into himself, pleading with his eyes that would not even meet Zack's to _not do this, please, please, not do this._  
So Zack's mouth slowly closed, and his shoulders seemed to slump and the hope slowly drain away in tandem. Silence reigned once more in the tiny kitchen, settling over the room like a towering and stifling fog, strangling the occupants and robbing them of their ability to say anything.

***

Zack unsuccessfully fought the urge to growl in frustration that fairly made his skin itch.  
He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. It was too hot in this office. The chair was too hard. The print on the cascade of paperwork was too small. It made his eyes sting. The lights were too bright. The noise from the other side of the door was too loud. It was distracting. He had read the same sentence on this glaringly white sheaf of paper at least four times. He couldn't concentrate. He really couldn't.

And maybe he could blame it on the temperature. Maybe he could blame the chair, or the print, or the light, or the noise. Maybe it was all those things. Or maybe it was just because he was worried. Maybe it was because Cloud was not within ear shot. Maybe it was because that sweet, infuriatingly stubborn kid hadn't listened to him this morning. Maybe it was because he had begged and cajoled and threatened and he _still _hadn't listened. He had only mumbled, not met his eyes, even strained away from Zack slightly, and _that _had hurt.

Maybe it was because his phone was ringing, and a part of him was trembling in ominous fear. The part of him that, if this were a mission, he would heed immediately.

***

"_Cloud, please." Soft voice, gentle tone, fraying at the edges. The very tip of desperate begging."I'm not asking you to stay in the apartment all day. I just don't want you to go to training today."_

"_Zack..." Head tucked down, brow furrowed and eyes nowhere near visible, the name was barely audible, the tone thick with conflict. Zack was his friend, and Zack had been so good to him. He really should do as he asks._

"_Cloud." A deep breath this time. Patience, always, always infinite patience. "If you stay home today, just one day, I promise that I'll take you out for a run, or a ride on the bike, or whatever you want,this evening."_

_Not even a sound this time, just a slow and definite and regretful shake of the head._

"_Cloud!" Loud. Yes, loud. But a shock would be good. A shock is needed. He must see that this is not healthy. Jaw set, calmly now, composed, even more renewed patience and conviction. "Look Cloud, I'm sorry, but if you carry on like this, I'm gonna have to make it an order." A quiet, guttural sound, more telling than any scream. Trying to wriggle away, Zack's gaze more firm than his hands could ever be. A gentle, so gentle touch to his arm, stilling him completely._

"_Don't think I won't. And don't think that Seph won't either. I can call him if you make me. Please don't make me, Cloud."_

_Another small, crushed sound, and he is looking up, never more still and seemingly calm than now, as he slowly raises his head, his eyes blinking languidly, lids gliding over shining eyes that swim with those things that the other never wanted to see again._

"_But what would I do, Zack? What would I do? Wander round Midgar, nowhere to go, looking all pathetic and lost, with nothing else to do but buy coffee that I don't need and can't afford and think about what happened?" Voice rising, strained, like the violins he once heard in an orchestra. Then falling. Falling to a rasp that breaks and begs.  
"Think about every detail. So what would I do, Zack? What should I do?"_

***

The brig. Sephiroth had called him to the brig. That part of him had been right. Nothing about this could bode well.

He strode along the halls in worried sick, ground-swallowing strides, while asking every god he knew of and didn't believe in, why oh why this shit happens.

After waiting impatiently for the guards to unlock the tightly secured entrance of the military prison, he quickly strode over to where silver hair was waving like a flag, urging him to his goal.

Sephiroth turned and walked the rest of the way to meet Zack, and just before Sephiroth took his attention completely, Zack caught sight of several cadets and a sergeant with a bloodied shirt standing behind the General.

"Seph, what the hell - "

"Zack, you must listen to me." Zack started. It was so unlike his friend to interrupt. His worry increased tenfold.  
"You must stay calm and listen to everything that has to be said. Do I have your word?"

Zack nodded wordlessly.

"Cloud Strife attacked his drill sergeant this morning."

The world seemed to lurch. No. No, this couldn't be right. If this was right, then maybe the world should be lurching, because this was not the way that Cloud behaved. Never. Not in this world, anyway. Sephiroth took advantage of his momentary shock, and strove on quietly, calmly.

"I have spoken to the sergeant involved, and to several of the other cadets who were witness to the incident." At this statement he made a minute movement with one black gloved hand, and one cadet stumbled forward at the summons, as if Sephiroth had the boy on a lead.

"Sir," The boy stuttered, twisting the hem of his blue uniform between his clammy hands. "Sergeant Donovan was just talking through posture when handling a sword, sir. And he was saying that you need to keep a straight back and your feet apart, and he used Cloud -um, Cadet Strife - to demonstrate, and he sort of...got behind him, and...Cloud just...freaked. Next thing I know, the Sergeant is bleeding all over the place..."

Zack felt sick. He knew the story before he even heard it. In full detail. He rounded on Sephiroth.

"And the bastards _locked him up?_ Seph, what the hell? He's probably fucking terrified! What, did they actually think that this was going to fucking help him? They're lucky if he doesn't go mad in there!" Zack's words hissed out of grinding teeth, and Sephiroth leaned in closer, as a subtle warning that he was being too loud.

"Zack, this is standard operating procedure, and the officers were not aware of Cadet Strife's circumstances. That is why I came down here, to inform them, and to call you." He explained quietly, with an air of calm that had overridden the noise of the battlefield, and was not going to falter now. "Now I suggest that you talk to the boy and explain the situation to him, while I fill out the paperwork necessary for his release."

***

Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. It was all falling apart. It was all going to hell. The woods are burning, and everything is crumbling around him while he desperately tries to keep it together. His sand castle is falling down, battered by the tide, while his frantic hands are trying to compact the soggy sand and keep the towers from falling.

And it isn't fucking _working._

And it isn't fair.

He hadn't meant to hit Sergeant Donovan, honestly he hadn't. He worked hard, damn it! He only got five hours of sleep each night because he was up until one o'clock in the morning, studying. Because all he ever wanted to be is someone who mattered, someone who was liked, and admired. A SOLDIER. And he put _every fucking thing he had _into becoming one. Everything. Why would he throw it away just for a stupid punch? He wouldn't. He couldn't. That wasn't him. He didn't hit people, unprovoked. Did he? But he did. Clearly he had. But...but Sergeant Donovan was even one of the nicer ones. He wouldn't do that...he wouldn't...he wouldn't...

At least he didn't. He didn't until _he _came along. _He _always did things unprovoked. Unwelcome. Thought it was _his _right. Bastard. Want to kill him. Want to tear at his skin. His filthy fingers. His filthy fingers that had...touched. Want to rip them off, want to, want to...and oh dear god, that was it, wasn't it? It was _him. _He had made him this way. Made him into this horrible person who would hurt other people. Oh god, it was him. _Him. Him _who had ruined everything. Now he was going to be kicked out of the programme, kicked out after he had worked so hard, and then where would he go?

He would be left in Midgar, alone. He would join the thousands of homeless in this cold and cruel and unfamiliar city. He wouldn't be able to find a way back home...oh gods, home. Home! He couldn't go back home a failure. After he had told all those people that he could become something, that he wasn't a failure, after he had told Tifa (damn her, why had she elicited that stupid promise from him, they weren't even close.), after he had told the bullies, after he had promised Mama...oh god, Mama, _his mother, his mother, his mother..._

And then there was light. The door opened. And he was warmer than before, and it was Zack. Zack was next to him. Zack wiped at his face. Zack. That was okay. Zack was okay. Yeah.

TBC

Um, yeah. Sorry? Not gonna cut it huh? I don't blame you, I'd slap me too.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Cloud seemed...calm. But this did not soothe Zack's mind as he walked into the too-small cell holding his friend.

Perhaps the most immediately troubling thing was the fact that Cloud's face was slightly red, his cheeks were wet with obvious tears and his nose was running. The younger's usually pretty face was puffy and blotchy, sweaty with the exertion of shoulder-wracking crying, and there was mucus covering the soft, downy skin between nose and mouth.

_And this, _Zack thought, _this is the reality._

And he had to deal with it.

For a moment he wasn't sure that he could. For a moment he wanted nothing better than to run back to his bed, burrow under the covers and sleep until he had convinced himself that this was a bad dream.

The immediate guilt and disgust with himself felt like fire.  
It spurred him further into the cell, and further into the eerily still air that surrounded Cloud.

He was perfectly static. No more tears or shuddering, no sobs, shoulders lax and still, eyes wide and blinking slowly. It seemed that time itself was static. Nothing moved, not even the stale, misty air of that wretched little cell, which was supposedly propelled by air con.

It reminded Zack of the eye of the storms that they used to have in Gongaga. The sun would be spitefully shining brightly after a wave of devastating destruction. There would be pleasant shadows cast through the trees, causing a summer-like dapple effect to lie on the grass. But the blackest of the clouds would linger above, tainting the sunlight and dappling strangely, as though the sun were trying to shine through a black gauze of netting.

Zack didn't need to look to know that Cloud was sitting on a tiny, sun-speckled hill of green, where all was still, and he was cradled in the eye of the storm which continued to rage around him.

That solitary hill held no place for Zack. It could contain Cloud and the debris of the winds, but for the moment, that was all.

It didn't seem as though Cloud had even noticed that Zack had entered the room.

For a moment the elder stared and sat in perfect helplessness that was new to him. He didn't know what to say, and it was killing him.

But then his mother's voice came back to him, distant and faint, but its message no less clear than the day he had heard it, ten years ago.

"_Ma, his house has been destroyed, shouldn't we...I dunno...say something?"_

_The old man had been sitting, staring at the debris that had once made up his house, destroyed by the winds days ago. And since then, everybody had just bustled by, picking up rubble and placidly going through the motions of rebuilding and restoring the house. No one had spoken a single word to him._

"_Zack," his mother had replied, pausing in her hefting of broken bricks, "sometimes, there aren't any words that can fix things, or people. And then, the only option that's left to you, is to just _do._ Because sometimes we can show people what we mean, far better than words could eve explain."_

Zack sent a prayer of thanks home to his mother, thinking of all the damn near indispensable pieces of advice that she had dispensed over the years, that had seemed like a crock of shit at the time.

With his mother's voice in mind, Zack finally realised what he wanted to show Cloud, and he fished out a handkerchief from his pocket – and he'd eat his gloves if that wasn't his mother's hanky – and slowly reached out to Cloud.

Ever so gently and slowly, he smoothed the soft material over the younger man's face, wiping carefully under Cloud's eyes with just one silk-covered finger, drying the sticky tear-trails off of his face. He then carefully brought the handkerchief down to wipe away the mucus and the tears from around Cloud's nose and mouth, determined to give the kid his dignity back before anyone intruded.

Cloud twitched a little and Zack stilled, but instead of being a prelude to disaster, the simple human contact seemed to reach Cloud. He stumbled away from the lonely hill. He looked at Zack for the first time.

"Zack?" His voice rasped.

"Hey." The older man smiled.

Then he gently drew his friend to his feet. One strong hand cupped Cloud's elbow and the other encircled his waist. Cloud followed docilely until they reached the door to the cell, whereupon Cloud seemed to have regained a little awareness of what had happened. Of how fucked up everything was, of how much trouble he was in –

"Zack?"

The voice was wary, and it wavered ever so slightly as he dug in his heels, refusing to go further, as if he thought people were waiting just outside to charge him with insubordination.

Zack had to take a step back so that he was once again level with Cloud. He rested his hand gently on the back of the other's head, thumb stroking a slow and soothing pattern.

"It's alright. Everything's okay. It's all been dealt with," was all he said, voice low and quiet, lips pressed near Cloud's ear, wanting to ensure that nobody interfered with them.

Don't tell him that Seph had had to cut through the red tape, sign the paperwork. Don't tell him that the instructor he had assaulted -no matter how understanding the man was – had been 'informed' of his situation. Don't tell him that his privacy had been invaded once again. Not now.

He nodded to Sephiroth as they walked past.

***

Zack had said nothing until they got back to his apartment, upon which time he had simply turned to Cloud, wrapping him in his arms and a warm hairy blanket and simply asked, "TV? It's primetime."

The smile hadn't been the usual one, but then again Zack probably would have been panicked if it was. This shaky but genuine smile, along with clear and focused eyes, were more than Zack had hoped for.

So he had guided them both to the sofa – he had never realised how soft and spongy it was before - it was nice, comforting. And he had flicked through the channels until he found something suitably 'safe.' And they had sat there, just the two of them, Zack's arm draped very lightly over Cloud's shoulders, ready to be taken away at a moment's notice that he didn't appreciate the contact.

But there wasn't any such notice. So it stayed there.

***

The ringing of his PHS woke him, and he grabbed it quickly, silencing it harshly, because if it disturbed the young man sleeping against his chest, there would be hell to pay.

"Yes?" Hissed, impatient.

"Zackary, sorry to disturb you. I thought you should know." That unmistakeably deep, authoritative voice.

A shiver tripped up Zack's spine.

"Know what, Seph."

"I've been through the footage of the surveillance cameras from the cadet dorms, and I've isolated images of an officer entering Strife's room. It corresponds with the time that you gave me."

Zack took a breath that was released in an aborted stutter, unable to know what to say.

Sephiroth quickly cut in before Zack could regain his composure.

"I have people researching. You don't need to do anything. Don't ask me for his name. It is irrelevant for now. He is currently posted in Mideel, on a mission. He will return in three days. I am not giving you his name, we don't need you to kill him before we get a chance to speak with him. For now, stay with Strife."

And with that, Zack was left with astonishment and a dial tone ringing in his ears.

He slumped backwards, wincing when Cloud shifted in his sleep.

How the fuck was he supposed to feel about this?

TBC

Huge apologies for the delay.


	10. Chapter 10

Sometimes the only way that was left was to be direct.

Zack tried to remember this – remember that there wasn't any way that he could sugar coat this, or to protect Cloud from this part any longer. And that stung. For the past week or so, his life had been all about protecting Cloud. His protective instincts were always highly strung. And now he couldn't do anything. Those instincts were useless, and he was the one exposing Cloud to this.

But there just wasn't any other way.

"Cloud."

The younger man looked up from his breakfast, simple buttered toast which seemed to please his friend inordinately.

"Yeah?" For a moment, those eyes were unguarded, and with a mouthful of breakfast, he looked like anybody else. For a moment, the morning was a normal one. Just two people sharing a meal. Just for a minute, everything wasn't fucked up, the situation was normal. He should have been pleased that his support had helped Cloud get to this point of normality.

Instead, Zack didn't like the fact that he was the one to break that normal morning. He wanted to change the sounds that his mouth made at the last minute, and say something that would simply confirm the normality, something like 'pass the jam.'

Instead, his mouth formed the words, "Seph's identified the man who did this."

Cloud's mouth stilled, and the muscles in his jaw tensed, unable to go on chewing.

His throat was tight. It felt as though the muscles there had suddenly swollen, pressing painfully against each other, constricting his airflow. The previously delicious food turned wet and mushy and disgusting in his mouth. Yet when he forced himself to swallow to avoid vomiting, it felt like shards of glass hitching down his throat. He hadn't noticed that the crusts had been that sharp, or that many.

The silence hurt his ears, and though he knew it was ridiculous – because really, there wasn't anything he could say that was an appropriate response to that news – he felt as though he should make some sort of reply.

"Oh."

He didn't want to eat any more. Or sit here anymore.

After expelling that tight, inadequate little sound, Cloud rose from his seat with equal tightness and unnatural control, then picked up his plate of half-eaten toast. As Zack spoke, his movements became quicker, jerkier.

"Cloud, did you understand me?"

Swift and not at all smooth steps towards the other end of the kitchen.

"Listen buddy, I know it's a lot to take in."

The bin lid clanging open with a little more force than necessary, the toast flung in as though it were a disgusting insect Cloud had just discovered on his hand.

"Cloud don't, there's no need for that, please. Just sit down, you can't go the whole day without breakfast - "

"You're not my mother, Zack."

The words were harsh, tight and resentful. And they cracked and wavered at the end, because he really shouldn't have mentioned his mother, because that made him think of how sweet she was, how she'd always looked after him, always loved him, no matter what, and-and he wanted to go home.

He wanted to go home and be with his mama, but he just _couldn't_, not like this. Not in this state. He couldn't bring this into their home.

The anger that had been locking his muscles tightly drained away, and he promptly went limp and felt twice as lost, giving up on any sense of decorum or attempt at dignity as his eyes stung.

His hands hung by his side, not even attempting to cover his face this time, this was so far beyond etiquette. He was too far gone for that right now.

"I want to go home."

Even though it was probably a bad idea, Zack was unable to stop himself from crossing the kitchen and folding Cloud into a hug, because he was just a lost fucking kid, who had had to endure what nobody should, and who was homesick and missing his mother, and it wasn't fair.

Thankfully, Cloud didn't seem to be disturbed by the touch, and wrapped his arms around Zack as far as he could, squeezing his shoulders in a desperate grip, letting Zack's shirt soak up the tears and the shuddering.

"Cloud, listen to me, I swear that once this is all sorted out, as soon as we have that guy, I'll get Seph to approve some leave for you, and you can go home and see your mother - "

"No!"

The vehemence of Cloud's reply startled him, and he pulled away slightly to see Cloud's face fiercely determined, trying to stop the tears in order to appear more commanding.

"What?" Zack was at a complete loss. "But you just said that you wanted to go home, and I know that Seph would grant you the leave as soon as he's asked, what - "

"No, Zack." The voice was no longer quite so fierce, but just as determined. "I can't see her – I can't let her see me like this. She can't know; it would kill her. She worries so much about me, I can't let her know about this. She worries herself sick every time I tell her that I have a bruise, she cried when I left, I _can't _tell her."

It was impossible to know what to say. Zack swallowed, and rubbed his hand across his face. He took a deep breath.

"Cloud," he started gently, "she's your mother. She loves you. And I know that she already worries about you, but that's exactly why you should tell her. It wouldn't be fair to keep this from her. She needs to protect you, otherwise she's going to feel as though she's...failed you somehow."

The younger man violently turned his head away from Zack's words, unable to contemplate hurting his mother, making her feel guilty, when she had been the one light in his life in Nibelheim. When she had always been there for him.

"Cloud, I know it's hard to understand." Zack's voice was pleading as he turned himself to face his friend again, hands stilling the younger's movements and looking him in the eye.

"But you can't keep this from her. Can you imagine how much it would hurt her? Please Cloud, she can help you more than I ever could. If you don't want to, I can...I would be willing to tell her for you, if you -"

"No!" Cloud lunged forwards, grasping fistfuls of Zack's uniform in desperation, the panic making him tremble, making his grip painful. "No. She can't know. She mustn't know. Don't tell her. You can't tell her!"

Cloud was unable to prevent his eyes glassing over with an angry and desolate film, and this only made him even more livid. Zack was there, Zack was in the firing line, he was the one who threatened to undo him by telling his mother of this-this _thing._ And none of this was _fair._ The screaming was terrible, even to his ears, but he couldn't stop it.

"I'll hate you, Zack! I swear to god, if you do this to me, I'll hate you forever!" His voice cracked.

The furious shouting eventually broke as he slid downwards, hands still gripping Zack, but more imploring this time, as he slid to his knees and clasped his hands before his friend in a gesture of begging – for Zack's silence, for comfort, human contact, anything - the angry yelling breaking into something torn and anguished and at Zack's mercy.

The older man tightly enfolded his friend in his arms, stopping his grovelling, and bringing him up to squeeze him to his chest, his watering eyes fixed on the ceiling as he promised, against all his better instincts, "I won't tell her Cloud. I promise I won't. I'll make this better, I swear I will."

TBC

Short, I know, and apologies for that. But I think we're approaching the end.


	11. Chapter 11

Two days had passed in a bewildered and frustrated haze for Zack. Two days without the reassurance of Cloud by his side, bereft of the knowledge of where he was and that he was safe.

Two bizarre days ago Cloud had announced that his squad had been selected to help out with a simple clean-up operation. Zack hadn't really known what to say to this seemingly out-of-the-blue announcement, as Cloud was still officially recorded as being on medical leave, and would therefore not be participating. Not quite sure why his friend was telling him this, Zack had responded with something neutral and perfunctory, he couldn't remember the exact words.

He should have known better than to make assumptions where Cloud was concerned. He should have trusted his instincts when he had felt a tiny part of him seriously doubt that his friend's piece of news was just that.

Because then Cloud had told him very quietly - head down, not wanting to meet Zack's eyes, as if afraid of seeing disappointment there – but very definitely, that he was going to accompany the rest of his squad.

He had then left to make preparations without once looking back or giving Zack the chance to respond.

***

When questioned as to what manner of mission Cloud's platoon had been assigned, the general's words had been an almost eerie echo of Cloud's.

"It is a simple clean-up operation. The retrieval unit are to travel to the outskirts, where there have been reported sightings of the latest creatures to escape Hojo's confines." The faintest trace of distaste and pity, unusually tempered by a palpable air of distraction. "Cloud's squad are to assist."

At best, Zack left his friend's office no less disturbed than before.

***

Zack heard no word from Cloud. Whether they had been gone a day or a month, there had always been some form of contact between them when missions got in the way.

Zack's PHS, lying always in his pocket or on his bedside table, remained bereft of the call that mattered.

***

Five days later – two behind the estimated schedule – Cloud's unit returned with unease in their minds and clear on their faces, and numbered one less than they had departed with.

***

His eyes were closed, and were the only part of his face to be left unscathed.

Just like the rest of his too-pale body, it was marred with jarring purplish lines running jaggedly from left to right.

Nobody ever realises just how dark even the palest of skin is, until they see it in death. It was the universal shade of white that meant _wrong, not right, not okay. _That caused something buried very deep down in every human being, in every living creature, to stir in protest. To scream '_wrong.'_

Zack knew that it was screaming the same thing to the man beside him.

And yet Cloud stood there perfectly still, not a muscle in his limbs or in his pale - _but not too pale, no, no, not too pale, that was all that mattered – _but certainly too-still face, as he looked down at the corpse of the officer lying on the smooth, metallic slab of the mortuary.

He wanted to take Cloud by the arm and move him gently but ever so certainly away from this place. But something told him that this was not the right thing to do at this point. Something told him to wait.

And then Cloud shuddered, a tiny ripple that tripped from neck to toes, making his body convulse almost imperceptibly, and his lips – red, startlingly red in the face of the two shades of white on the two faces that Zack watched – trembled with the rest of his body before twitching outward in what could have been a horrified smile.

***

"Cloud."

The well-established silence shattered so shockingly at those words that he would have frightened himself if he hadn't been agonising over the words in his head all evening.

The boy turned his head to look at Zack with an expression of shell-shocked confusion, and utter calm.

"Cloud, nobody would blame you if," Zack faltered a while, his ever so gentle voice trailing off for a moment, despite the mental rehearsal, "if you...had anything at all to do with this."

And wasn't that just the icing on top of this disgustingly sour cake. He knew that he had to say those words, but wasn't quite sure how, because he wasn't quite sure how Cloud _could _have had anything to do with it. The man had been mauled to death my Hojo's creations. And those things answered to no one. You got too close and you ended up like that corpse. But still. The man was Cloud's rapist. And by all accounts, Cloud had been right there. The closest to the carnage.

He hated to even think it, but he had to.

"Cloud, I promise you that I understand. But I need you to tell me now. Did you have anything at all to do with this?"

The fog of calm cleared with a snap as clear as the one that broke Cloud's voice when he spoke, as tears traced their old tracks back down his cheeks.

"No." Quavering, fragile and high, a young voice, coated with the thinnest of glass to protect it, which was riddled with a spider web of cracks. "I hated him. But I ran to help him. It's what you do. I couldn't just do nothing." The tears ran faster and the cracks spread further, in foreboding contrast to the statement of innocence that Zack did not doubt to be true. Rapidly breaking.

"But I can't help but wonder," Cloud leaned closer to whisper, just so much shattered glass, "if I couldn't have run just a little bit faster."

***

"Just who the hell was he, anyway Seph?"

The words were spoken quietly as Zack stared out of the large window overlooking the parade grounds. Where the outline of a black body bag on a stretcher was being loaded into a truck, due to be transported home for burial.

He leaned his head against the edge of the window, glass of whiskey in hands, courtesy of Sephiroth, and marvelled at the chaos and turmoil that one man – one single lapse in morals, one single chemical imbalance, whatever the fuck had made the guy rape an innocent subordinate – could cause.

Cloud had had something taken from him that he could never regain. The shame, the fear and the pain, the feeling of filth on his skin may never fade from his memory. Tabula Rasa was a nice concept, but it only worked once. The man's hands had marred that blank slate, marred Cloud's skin, as surely as paint on canvas. Even if you whitewashed over it, the brush strokes would always be faintly visible, lurking beneath that fake purity.

And Zack's heart had sank when he saw the faces of Cloud's platoon when they had returned that day. Twitching and fidgeting, unease had rippled through them, no-one willing to look the blond in the eye. Pity – because Zack was certain that somehow they knew, or at least suspected, and he didn't want to know how they knew.  
Shame; shame for not speaking up earlier, shame because they didn't know what to say to the army recruit that had been raped. Men weren't raped. Military men were never raped.  
Excruciating discomfort, unwilling distrust, because although they had seen Cloud, had seen for themselves that he hadn't actually pushed the officer in the path of those creatures, they could never be quite sure.  
Automatic alienation, because although they softly whispered that they would probably want to kill anyone who did the same to them – and had Zack imagined a few faces twisting bitterly at those whispered words? – a person had still been killed, and who wanted to room with the would-be prime suspect?

And although Zack hated himself for thinking it, there was the man himself.

He had to have been an innocent boy once. He must have had friends who were now sitting in the same state of shock as he; he must have had parents who were sitting at home silently wondering where it had all gone wrong. The moment he had been motivated – for whatever reason – to violate another person, he had thrown away everything that he had ever worked for, and ultimately, his life.

Such a fucking waste.

And it left everybody it had touched reeling for purchase, not knowing what to think.

Zack was glad that the man was dead. And yet, deeper down than he cared to shine a light, he was ashamed of himself for thinking that. He had never imagined he would be glad for anyone's death.

But every time he thought of the man's parents, his friends, his life before he had surrendered to the monster inside – and he did think of them, oh how he thought of them – he would immediately think of poor, fucked up Cloud, and any sympathy would die in its infancy, drowned by the swells of fury.

Ashamed though he was, he tried not to think of frail Mrs Strife, sitting alone in that small home, flipping through the pictures of her little boy that had marched off to war. Wanting desperately to bring him home, to never let him go, but wanting even more desperately for her son to do what he had always wanted to do. To allow him to chase his dream. So he would be happy.

It was too painful to think of the woman whose voice he overheard on the phone, filled with such delight whenever Cloud called from the sanctuary of Zack's rooms.  
The woman whose voice wavered at the end of each phone call, and who Zack was almost certain began to cry quietly after each call, because her son's words assured her that he was fine, but his voice told a different story, and she knew that her own son couldn't even talk to his mother anymore. He doubted that it would be much consolation to tell her that Cloud loved her more than anyone else. She knew that already. But it wouldn't take away the hurt.

"I've been concentrating so much on Cloud, and what happened, that I've forgotten all about the bastard himself," Zack murmured, quietly incredulous, "so who was he? You wouldn't tell me his name before. So now it's all over, who the fuck was he?"

Sephiroth looked over from the opposite side of the room, quiet as always, and Zack hadn't thought it possible for his friend to be even more somber.

"He was a member of Hojo's cleanup crew."

Zack closed his eyes and smiled mirthlessly. If he had to put bets on any squad being the most likely to be so screwed up, his money would have been on Hojo's servants. Cleanup crew was too polite. Their job consisted of tracking down and killing any creatures that had been unfortunate enough to end up in Hojo's care, and fortunate enough to escape.

The cleanup crew were charged with ending that good fortune. Although with some of the things that escaped from Hojo's lab, you had to wonder whether death was all that unfortunate.

Still. He had accompanied the cleanup crew once. The officer in charge had leaned over the already dying experiment, finally quiet after the last few moments of snarling and whining, and had fired two unnecessary rounds into the creature's head. He couldn't see the man's face beneath the visor, but he didn't think that it had been an act of mercy.

He was too tired to wander whether it was the same man.

And some part of him didn't have to wander at all. He'd seen the file.

Sephiroth stirred from the other side of the room.

"You should return to Cloud. Your support is everything to him."

Zack smiled faintly.

"Yeah."

And despite the bleakness that threatened as he took one last look at the body bag in the truck below, he felt some measure of hope for the future.

Things had come to a head. It may have been cold and stormy at the top of the mountain, but at least there wasn't any higher to climb.

He should go back to Cloud.

The end.

Thanks ever so much for all the wonderful reviews and support that you all have given me, and another huge apology for my awful lateness with pretty much every chapter.

I hope I've done the subject even a modicum of justice, and if I have distressed anyone, all I can say is that I am extremely sorry, and to please PM me if you want to.


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